Blood and Water

So I was doing some research, finding some inspiration, trying desperately to distract myself....

It didn't work.

That might have been the subject matter though.....  Very often, to deal with things, I turn TO them rather than away. If I am scared, I'll research it. If I'm sad, I'll research it. If I'm angry, I'll research it. So on and so forth.... I did this with autopsies, abuse, murder, and manipulation, and many other things. If there's a monster in the dark I want to KNOW my enemy so I can defeat it.

Anyway!

So when I'm upset I tend to research things to distract myself but it doesn't exactly work as, well, I'm focusing on what upsets me.... That's beside the point.

Do you know how much I hate this saying?

'Blood' is family, 'water' is...everyone else.

Blood is the family you were born with, the one that contributed DNA and RNA and chromosomes and whatever else was involved. Blood relations are the ties you are bound to the ones you own your loyalty to regardless of what comes.

Friends, acquaintances.... They're water. They pass easily. They aren't going to stand by you forever. They aren't bound by any duty or loyalty - they will choose their own blood relations and their own desires over yours.

In the end, no matter what their mistakes, you can only trust your blood family. Only blood lasts.

So.

I hate that saying. It sort of goes hand in hand with the fifth commandment.

But I also couldn't agree with it.

First, what about adopted children? What about David and Jonathan? What about husbands and wives?

Married couples are an excellent point - adopted children, one could argue that being raised by the parents makes them by default blood because of familial ties (we'll.....pretend that works); but married couples? They meet generally as adults and already have a  blood family. Getting married is NOT a blood oath - they're only bound by law, tradition, and honour. And God, of course.

So if blood is thicker than water (in the way the saying means), how does marriage work? Technically, husband and wife would put their biological family first.

I guess this is why the wife submits to the husband - so one family is chosen to cleave to and only one bloodline.

Alright. Fine.

What about David and Jonathan?

They were DEFINITELY not blood. By battle, perhaps - but they weren't blood. By all right, according to familial loyalty, Jonathan shouldn't have sided with David. David was going to take Jonathan's right of succession - going to take the crown.

The thing about loyalty is that it's always by blood. From father to son, from son to daughter, from daughter to niece, from niece to uncle.....etc.

The crown or title is handed down through the family. It's passed down to the closest living relative. Blood relative. (except for occasionally when they're adopted - but still.) So by all rights, Jonathan shouldn't have sided with David.

....and don't try to tell me the saying or idea didn't exist back then.

And yes, God set it up - but nonetheless. Another reason I find the saying...irritating.

So however it was, I ended up researching old sayings.

There's another meaning for 'blood is thicker than water'. There's another version that says 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb'.

....how much more sense does that make??

That saying would cover ALL relationships. Both biological and by choice.

Just like a birth mother can give up her child by choice (or kill it, but let's leave that for another day...) and a stranger can adopt a kid and raise it like it was their own - biologic ties make...no difference. In the end you CHOOSE to honour those ties.

Because there is a difference from a duty and a....loyalty, so to say.

I would serve my family. I would give everything for them. But to choose between my biological family and the people I have chosen to...adopt as family?  I would choose the lesser of two evils and would not choose my biological family just because I share DNA with them.

Not to mention!

If blood ties were...all-prevailing, why can fathers - and mothers - just walk out on their families? Hmmm??

If blood ties are all prevailing, how can the family be torn apart by abuse,  murder, cruelty, greed...

It's because 'blood' makes no difference. Humans could act like the cuckoo birds and just leave their kids with other strangers and it would make no difference. The loyalty, the relations - it's in...conditioning. Tradition.

From birth we're all taught in some way to consider those that raised us as 'family', as people that will be their and have a duty to stay with us. There are many degrees of this in the world, different variations on what the role of the family is - but whereever you go there is the subconscious expectations that family behaves a certain way.

But because youths are basically always and forever expected to obey their authority and elders, the 'bond' created isn't always....fair. Isn't always right.

But we can 'adopt' families. We can create our own family from friends. We can bring people around us that will never leave us - that we can depend on.

It's covenants that hold us together - agreements, understandings. Kin-blood makes no difference.

Just because you bore a child doesn't give you the right to treat it however you want, to get respect no matter what. Just because you are a parent doesn't necessarily make you family.

Inspiration - Blessing or Bane

.....i don't know how I can answer this - how I can answer anything. Just about every single one of these posts have come up when I both need the distraction and can't possibly handle the distraction....

Frustrating to the extreme when I can think.

Alright.

Inspiration

Aren't you excited....

JRR Tolkien

If you're surprised by this one you don't know me and you didn't read my last post.

The latter more than the former.

The Hobbit was the first I read. And I read it about fourteen times consecutively.

I did finally put together Lord of the Rings and got to read that, and the appendices-!!

Oh....genealogies, lines of kings, language, pronunciation, culture..... All stored within there.

I love languages. I LOVE languages. The history, the origins, the cultures - all ties together. I love how languages work, how they adapt and share and..... Yeah. Anyway.

And then Tolkien created a language from SCRATCH!!  (Well, not entirely - but enough.) How amazing is that?

And his characters... I love the stories. The people.

It also helped that I started discovering my interest in writing at the same time I was reading him.

I love mythology. I love to rewrite it, take it, use it, redo it....   To find out that he did the same thing with LOTR? Precious.....

Tolkien's stories are adaptable. Read them through once and one sort of character shines through. Read it through again at a different point in life, and a different character shines. Some of the characters are incredibly flat, true - but in the story....

He built a world. A life. He made Heroes and legends. I could never write that well....

On a complete random note - Christopher Lee MET Tolkien??

C.S. Lewis

First: who names their son 'Staples'??

Second: the day I found out that my favourite two authors were actually friends was better than Christmas.

Tolkien gave me the complexity and the characters - Lewis gave me the stories. Lewis gave me the lives.

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was the first book I really voluntarily read outside of school. It was lying on the floor and I picked it up because it had an interesting cover. I was about eight or nine and...

I was seven.

I picked up the book because it had pictures of knights on the front and I wanted to know what it was about, and then there were pictures inside!

Funnily enough, I didn't pick up on the symbolism of Aslan until we watched the movie about a year later.

(Oh! And dear Reader? Would you like to guess who my favourite character was?

Lucy. I loved her because she was so good and faithful and innocent. Peter was a boy, Edmund was bad, and Susan sort of...didn't count.

It wasn't until I grew up that I stopped liking the good heroes. I used to admire them...)

Because of that book, I looked for the rest of the series (we didn't have it. I was the only one that read that one. I don't even know why we had it - no one knows....) and ended up reading just about every book we had in the house.

My failing is that I do judge books by their covers - but that's probably a good thing so I could grow up a little more.

But that was the book that got me started reading - that opened me up to the world of fantasy.

The very, very first story I wrote was about siblings named Edmund, Peter, Susan, and Lu and how they wandered into a wardrobe.

.....the really sad part about that is that it took me about a year to realise what I had done - thankfully I never shared my writings even then.....

Mythology

Oh good gracious.....

Yeah, this is the basis of my first fifteen books. Mythology.

I grew up on darker movies. Vampires, spies, murderers, criminals, horror....  I'm sure there were good ones - but honestly most of them shouldn't be shown to someone under ten. (...and then he wondered why I wouldn't go outside in the dark...) Some things in life I'm incredibly oblivious to, other things I am more aware of than I should be. Some are my fault, some not.

But mythology.

As much as I fear it, I love the elegance of darkness. I adore the beauty of danger.

And mythology isn't copyrighted - I can use the stories.

The darker the story, the more interesting the creatures, the farflung trivia - I love using it.

Besides, then I can write weird research papers on vampires....  *rolls eyes*

I generally use European mythology, but anything is interesting.

I love the tie-ins with history.

Sebastian Roché

I'm blaming this on the Reader.

I tend to profile characters. Especially in EXTREMELY. PREDICTABLE. SHOWS!

Like Grimm. Where he played a character. And died. (it's unsurprising even if you DON'T know his usual characters...)

Long story short? His characters are generally loyal to a fault, polite, principled, and if they aren't outright villains that you'll still emphathise with anyway they are people with rather dark morals. Oh. And he usually seems to die.

It's like casting Sean Bean as someone.

Why is he inspiring anything? I'm really not sure but since he is I figured he fits here......

He has inspired three massive story universes so far.

"That's What All Children Think..."

Tili Tili Bom

2003

“Did you think the blankets would protect you from me?” He slowly stepped into the room, watching the mound on the bed shake. “That is what all children think, ja?”

He crossed the room until he stood at the foot of the bed, until he was standing over the curled form – until all he had to do was reach out a hand to touch it.

“Go 'way!”

“Not alone...”

“Don't want you!”

The mound curled smaller and he smiled. “You love me, darling.”

“Nyet!”

“Darling...” He leaned against the board at the foot of the bed, slowly tugging the coverlet down.

“Nein, nein, nein, nein-” The covers fell back from the girl's hands and she scrambled to stand up on the bed, crossing her arms; pouting at him.

He chuckled, dropping the duvet and straightening. “There you are, Stasya.”

“Go 'way.”

“Nein – I can't go alone.”

“But I don't want to go with you, Uncle Villain! I want to stay here!”

“But this is my bed, Stenka – I sleep here.”

“You can have my bed, papa.” She offered generously.

“I could not take your bed.” He shook his head seriously, amusement filling his eyes. “Then it would not be 'just right' for you, ja?”

“It will be!” She bounced on the bed slightly as she assured him. “Bitte, Papa?”

He sighed. “I would not fit...”

She gasped. “How? Everyone fits in beds! You're not that big!” She giggled.

“Thank you so much....” He crossed to the side of the bed, patting the space beside him.

She dropped into a seat beside him, twisting away and pushing her hair back over her shoulders so he could reach it. “Dolly says you're being 'arcastis when you say that.”

“Does he?” He ran his fingers through her hair, separating the tangles gently.

“He says you say things you don't mean – why do you do that?”

“Then you do not believe I am always honest, ja?”

She shook her head with a grin. “You're a bad guy, Uncle Villain – you can't always not tell lies.”

“I am wounded, liebchen.” He separated her hair into two parts and began plaiting it into two long braids. “I try to say what I mean – but it is easy to say the truth so others do not hear what you mean.”

“Truth doesn't work that way.”

“Really?”

She nodded emphatically, nearly pulling the strands of hair from his hands. “Papa said that saying anything other than what is true is wrong and is a lie and you mustn't do it.”

“Your father was a good man.”

“...ja.” She leaned back against him, smiling again. “But you are too, Uncle Villain!”

He lightly tugged one braid as he finished and tied it off. “Then I am not a bad guy?”

“You are. But you're good too.”

“Really?”

She nodded again. And then smiled sweetly. “May I sleep here?”

“You have your own bed, Styushenka.”

“...I don't want to.”

“Is life fair?”

She pouted, crossing her arms. “....nyet.”

“Then that is it, ja?”

She sighed, nodding slowly.

He finished the second braid quickly and tied it off. “Finished-”

She spun around and flung her arms around his neck. “Bitte, bitte, bitte, polusta, let me sleep here. Bitte, Uncle Villain. I want to sleep with you. I don't want to sleep alone.” She brightened. “And you can sing to me, Papa! Bitte? Bitte? Bitte? Polusta?”

He chuckled at her massacred pronunciation of the Russian word for 'please'. “'Pozhalyustya'.” He tried to loosen her hold on him, but she clasped her arms together. “One night?”

She nodded. “Danke schonn, papa!” Releasing him, she scrambled up to the top of the bed. “Sing, bitte?”

He smiled slightly, standing. “Tili Tili bom, Zakroy glaza skoree,” He pulled the coverlet up and straightened it out over the bed.

“Kto-to hodit za oknom I stuchitsya v dveri.” He knocked on the headboard softly, and she shivered.

“Tili Tili bom, krichit nochnaya ptitsa,” He tucked the blanket in tightly around her, tucking it beneath the mattress so it wouldn't pull out overnight. “On ezhe probralsya v dom k tem, komu ne spitsya.”

Her eyes were squeezed tightly closed, but she was grinning while he softly sang.

“On idet,” He brushed the hair back from her face. “On uzhe,” He softly kissed her forehead. “Blisko.”

He poked her in the side and she jumped.

“Tili Tili bom, Ty slyishish, kto-to ryadom?” He stood, crossing around the end of the bed. “Pritailsya za uglom I pronzaet vzglyadom.” He slipped off his house-shoes, sliding them beneath the bed as he sat on the empty side of the bed.

“Tili Tili bom, vse skroet noch nemaya,” He stood and tucked in the blankets on his own side of the bed. “Za toboy kradetsya on I vot-vot poymaet.” He slid beneath the covers himself now, pulling them tight around him while the little girl slid back to his arms.

“On idet,” He brushed her hair back from her face. “On uzhe,” He softly kissed her forehead. “Blisko.”

He turned off the light.

Made by Angelique

Alright. So. Explanation......

This is set in the Mafia Universe.

Originally, I was going to write this other story for it that actually was creepy but.....  A lot of things happened and basically every single idea I had was scrapped so....  I turned back to my old comfort and wrote a story in the Universe that was created literally as a dumping ground for any and all of my emotions. And also as a place for me to live emotions that I want....

So, in reading this, you have just about zero idea what's going on here......  The whole universe is set up in one!shots and short stories and tends to be written in a wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey sort of way..... Literally.

So here. It was a halfway happy story for once. Of sorts.

Willem - the man - is the man the universe centers on.

Stasya is his adopted....daughter. It's complicated and....

But....yeah. I love this Universe but have problems with its origins at the moment.....

 

Bayuski Bayu

c. 2003

She was clinging to him by morning – her arms wrapped around his neck and curled into the hollow of his chest. Even in her sleep, she held tightly; and dislodging her would have woken her up.

Willem was content to lay there, his arms wrapped protectively – comfortingly – around her.

She was a treasure – a gift he did not deserve but could not give up. She was a light that never failed to cheer him – a joy that always reached him. The loss of one man was his gain – and this was one thing that he felt was worth so much worth than the price paid.

He knew that was the reason he had her now. He adored her and protected her and taught her and provided for her. He would die for her.

He would have left her with Ezekiel – but he could not honestly say he would bring her birth father back if he had the opportunity. He wondered if she would agree with that....

She didn't always insist on sleeping with him. Often she had tired herself out so much by evening that she fell asleep in the arms of whomever she had conned into carrying her, and could simply be lain in bed. Other nights, she was so thrilled at getting tucked in that she didn't mind sleeping in her own room.

But she slept with 'Uncle Villain' on special occassions, and always the nights before he left; and the nights he came home. She smiled and waved to him when he left – but she clung to him in the night as if terrified he wouldn't come back this time.

He wondered if perhaps it was a mistake to have raised her knowing what he was – what he did. He had always been 'Uncle Villain' – always been the relative that came and visited but that couldn't be seen coming and going and that couldn't be talked about. He was the one her father pulled into her life against his wishes – the one that Ezekiel risked being companionable in return for....what? Savigin his life?

One didn't make a criminal a member of the family for that.

He never pretended his job was anything else. He did not give her all of the details, he tried to keep her separate from his business – but if she asked he answered. She knew there were bad guys and good guys in the world. Her father was a 'good guy', and he hunted 'bad guys' like Willem.

But somehow, living and knowing 'bad guys' never bothered her.

He appreciated that she would never have a black and white view of the world at least.

Willem sighed as a clock further in the house chimed the hour. He shifted to begin leaving the bed, but Stasya woke up almost instantly; tightening her hold on him.

“Nyet....”

“Darling....” He tugged gently on her arms.

She shook her head against his chest, subdued. “Nyet.”

He sighed again, and then shifted her so she was sitting in his lap while he leaned against the headboard. “I have to leave today, Stenka.”

“Don't wanna.”

“You don't have to-”

“Don't wanna.”

He closed his eyes, resting his chin atop her head, recognising the tears in the tone of her voice even if he couldn't ear any evidence of it. “Don't cry, darling...”

“Stay here, papa...”

“I will come back.”

“...what if you don't. I don't want to be alone.”

“Alone? Then your aunts and uncles are nothing, ja?”

“...I don't want to be without you.”

“Darling....They love you. They would take care of you – you would be safe.”

“They're not you. They're them. You're the best.”

He blinked, holding her a little tighter. “I am sorry – I have to.”

“...promise you'll come back?”

“I will try, liebchen.”

“...I'll wait for you.”

He smiled. “Of course, darling. You always do.”

She snuggled against him, releasing his neck as she curled in his arms. “Sing to me, papa?”

He opened his mouth to start, but she interrupted him.

“Your song this time.”

“My song?”

“Ja. The one Liya sings to you.”

“That is my song?”

She nodded slowly, still quiet; and he could feel tears soaking through his nightshirt. “My lullaby is creepy – yours is nice. You have monsters in your life already, you need a nice song.”

He knew she hadn't completely mastered Russian yet, but that she had learned enough that she wanted the words to the song rather than the melody.

“Spi, mladenets moy prekrasnyy, bayushki-bayu.” He rocked her gently, feeling her press impossibly closer. “Tikho smotrit mesyats yasnyy v kolybel' tvoyu.” He wished he could tell her he would be safe – wished he could promise to return. “Stanu skazyvat' ya skazki, pesenku spoyu.” But that would be a lie – there was too much that could go wrong. “Ty zh dremli, zakryvshi glazki,” He would not promise her something he could not guaruntee. He would not break his word to her. “Bayushki-bayu.”

“Bogatyr' ty budesh' s vidu i kazak dushoy.” She would grow up one day, stop needing protection – she would see the world as it was. That was the gift he could give her. “Provozhat' tebya ya vyydu — ty makhnesh' rukoy.” He was German by birth, Russian by choice. She was American by birth, and Russian by family. She would have all he could give her – but she would never work for or with him. “Skol'ko gor'kikh slez ukradkoy ya v tu noch' prol'yu!” Her father was a good man, and while he was not he would raise her the best he could. She worried for him, feared for him – he had spent a lifetime hiding his fears and worries, and he would do all he could to hide the worst of the danger from her. “Spi, moy angel, tikho, sladko.” Sleep, my angel, undisturbed..... The day would come and Isobel would distract her and she would be waiting for him as chipper as ever when he finished business – the fears of the night gone for a little while. “Bayushki-bayu.”

“Spi zh, poka zabot ne znaesh',” He looked down at the girl, asleep again in his arms. She was peaceful like this – sorrowless, still. He stood carefully, laying her down on the bed and covering her. “Bayushki-bayu.”

Made by Angelique  (Willem)

The Evening and the Morning were the Third Day

How long have you been writing?

I've been telling stories since birth. My sister and I would play these games where we would play several people each and...act out the story. But the worlds and storylines got so very, very complicated and I generally thought them up and remembered them. There were personalities and preferences and limitations and abilities for each character and.... She grew out of it and I never did.

I've been actually writing since I was nine - for the last nine years. I started off literally copying Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe although I didn't realise it was copying then, and then I started a Space Story. Which was rubbish but...

When I was about eleven, I began to write poetry. Was I good? Hardly. Nursery rhymes. Limericks. I won first place in a national contest against older kids when I was twelve - and that helped me keep writing.

About two years ago I started writing short stories in reality. I began posting - and writing - more fanfiction than just poetry, and that's when my prose writing took off.  I had written stories before but.....I don't know. I was always rewrite it seemed.

I've never stopped telling stories. I tell stories. Give me something and I will weave you a story of it.

Why do you write?

To live.

When I first started writing with my Space Story, I wrote because it was a dream about a person - it was literally from a dream. I wanted to remember it.

 Then I grew older. I wrote poetry to feel. I couldn't feel anything - or I felt too much - so I wrote. 

Then I wrote prose and I did the same thing I did in poetry. 

I write to reach others, to show them something, to explain myself. I write to try to reach out - to speak.

I twist phrases, paint a picture. I try to explain myself through another. I try to....live. To learn.

I write for the pleasure of others. If one other person enjoys a story, it is completely worth writing.

What are your favourite types of books to write?

....finished?

Good gracious.....

I like character based fantasy. The fantasy yes - I adore world building - but I focus on the people, the characters, the motivations, the....people.

I write about honour, about loyalty.

Why does this character do this? What motivates them? What do they care for? Who do they care for? Why? What choices would they make again? What do they regret?

I tend to write...grey books. Books where people obey bad rules for good reasons, break good rules for good reasons, do wrong by societies standards for a good end goal, do good by societies standards for bad reasons......

I try to use....thought. To point out that everyone has a motive, has a good goal. Most people believe in something for a reason - even the Joker liked Chaos. But everyone has a point of view, and not all point of views agree. Sometimes what we've been taught is wrong is actually right (praying in schools, for example; or sheltering Jews in the 1940s); and sometimes what we've been taught is right is so terribly, terribly wrong (anti-semitism in Europe....)

I don't like it when people don't think for themselves - when they don't allow others to think for themselves. I want people to learn to check facts, to decide for themselves. To not simply accept things 'because it is'.

How many books have you completed as of now?

Ha.

Ha. ha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

None. Let's put it that way.

Well, unless you count rewrites..... Then I've finished seven. The problem is that I overhauled all of them and they haven't been rewritten yet so.....

And there is the Mafia Universe that has enough words to be a novel at least once now, and probably more once I catch up with my planned stories. I would love to use that universe of stories. The characters and themes and messages are dear to my heart and....it is one of the few writings that I generally agree with the few that have read anything when they say it is wellwritten. Unfortunately, due to some technicalities in inspiration, I can't use a single word of it.....  *sighs* Figures.

Anyway, that one is sort of finished - but that one is also more of a collection of short stories. It's a story about a man's LIFE. Not just a part of it.

What are three things you Hate about writing?

 Um.....me, myself, and I.

I hate my overactive imagination, I hate my love for worldbuilding, and I hate the passion and time I pour into my writing.

I can always think up new story ideas - but I can never. seem. to finish. any.

I hate this.

Others finish books. Others finish stories. And I....can't.

And it's worse if I TELL anyone about that story because then it's doomed.....

What are three things you Love about writing?

WORLDBUILDING! CHARACTER STUDIES! TELLING STORIES!

.....yes. everything I hate about writing I love about writing - thus why I love them, and thus why I hate them.

It's a grand example of circular reasoning.....

I write fantasy. I have forty-five novel ideas for the Portal Universe. That means I have at LEAST twenty planets and forty cultures. I love building them. I love making cultures. I love making myths. I love making legends. I love making traditions. I love making clothes. I love....EVERYTHING.

One of my other favourite things to do is to take an item or a few word prompt and create a massive new story. Well, 'new story' at least....  The 'massive' part is usually accidental... It's just that I will start building the characters, and I need to develope the characters and the background for characters and the background for the background and.......

It gets out of hand quickly.

But I adore it to no end.

I blame it on Tolkien.

What story are you working on Right Now?

The Mafia Universe.

And the Detective Assassin story.

This is where it was probably a bad idea to get involved in this camp.....  I mean, the point was to focus on 'obvious good vs evil', right?

HA!

neither of those stories fit. The Mafia story is probably my worst morally as it is literally about a bunch of thieves and womanisers and murderers. Well, not womanisers - but one person that acts like one at least....... Complicated. But I never redeem them in that story - they break the law and they are fine with it. But the story focuses on the PEOPLE. On the tears and the laughter and the families and the love and the heartbreak and..... Humanity. Life.

The Detective Assassin story (no, I don't name my stories before they're finished.....) came completely from a dream. It's more about someone that is good that looks bad that TURNS bad but does good and then ends up good and nothing is really as it seemed AND LOOK AT ALL OF THE POISONS I GOT TO RESEARCH FOR THIS ONE! This one focuses on brothers. Completely.

There's also a Dystopian one I have all planned out and REALLY want to write where words are counted - you have to purchase amounts of words to speak per week. There are police and punishments and governments and systems and it is the PERFECT example of LOOK I DID TOO MUCH PLANNING AGAIN!!

......

I actually really like the dystopian story. But I've only worldbuilt it so it probably doesn't count. But it will focus on brothers, families, loyalty, honour vs loyalty, truth vs loyalty....  And of course my perpetual theme of 'no one and nothing is as it appears'...

I basically never write romance. I have marriages and stuff but..... it's not what I focus on. Ever. Basically.

What is your favourite time to write?

When I'm breathing.

If I'm not writing it on paper I'm writing it in my head.

If I'm not awake I'm dreaming.

I honestly don't know how to stop - and I don't want to....

Do you write short stories? Children's books? Novels?

Mostly Poems, Short Stories, and Novels. The short stories were completely by accident, and poetry is through long practice and imitation. I love poetry - it's so easily spun.....

the novels are sort of by accident too given how easily things get out of control....

Do draw inspiration from, or are you influenced by any particular writer?

Tolkien. C.S. Lewis.

.....that's about it.

In all honestly though. Lewis was the one that made me love reading, Tolkien inspired me to write.

OH!!  And this one poet that wrote......

Middle Earth and Beyond Wallpapers

I always forget....them. Whomever wrote them.

Middle Earth and Beyond Wallpapers

Alright, so many many years ago I found a music video on youtube that was a freestyle poem about Eowyn with clips of Eowyn set to the song Lascia Chi'io Pianga. I loved the poem. It was....it added to canon. It added to the books. And I wanted to be able to do that - to add to written words, to pay tribute to things and writers and lives so much greater than mine. I wanted to be able to write something and show a stranger something that would help them, that would uplift them. I wanted to be able to let people escape into new worlds and old worlds.

So that writer? Whoever they are? Tolkien and Lewis inspired me to use mythology, to fill in ages of backstory (seriously. I completely blame Tolkien for that because APPENDIXES!!), to plan out characters with deeper meaning. But they didn't originally inspire me.

That was someone that wrote a poem for Boromir and a poem for Eowyn and showed me that writing could be...more than nursery rhymes or selfish dreams. Writing could be done in the modern age and could be done by young people.

(I've failed just about every single thing I was inspired to do but.....)

Do you write trilogies and/or series?

YES!!

First? Forty -five stories all set in the same universe. MOST of them are connected.

Second - I have a ten book series, a trilogy, two trilogies, a set of books that aren't directly connected by have the same inspiration so.....

In short: yes. I do.

Have you experienced Writer's Block?

HA!

HAAAAAHAHHHAAAAAHHAAAA!

EVERY BLOODY TIME I WRITE SOMETHING I CAN'T FOCUS ON THAT BLOODY THING I GET DISTRACTED BY shiny!!!!  Oh, look over here another question..... Let's work on that first!

(Yes, I consider this writer's block because - although I can still write! - I can't work on what I'm supposed to.)

What was the fastest you wrote a book?

One month. Fifty K words in the Mafia Universe. The sad thing? THAT was supposed to be  SHORT STORY!!  *bangs head on desk* I just....give up.

My novels never finish.

My short stories never end.

Do you hope to be published one day?

.....I want people to enjoy my work.

Technically, my fanfiction is published, and some of my poems are on a free site - but I doubt that's what you meant.

I just want people to enjoy stories. I want to share stories - to help and please people. If I give the stories away free, that's fine. I doubt people would buy them anyway - even if I did ever finish anything.....

What are some things you hope to share through your stories?

Different points of view. Basically. Not all villains are heartless psychopaths, not all heroes have good intentions, not all heroes ARE heroes, not all of the losing army is bad, not all of the winning army is good....

Black and white isn't black and white - it's an awful lot of grey.

Oh, don't get me wrong: there's still good and evil. Still right and wrong. But.....  How they show up in the world?

We don't have evil doppelgangers - we ARE the evil twin as much as we are the good twin. We have the ability to do good and ill - and we daily use our ability to choose to do both!

Life isn't simple. Choices can't be simply brushed aside.

I also wanted to write about people. About mental and mood disorders. About abuse. About manipulation.

About things no one likes to talk about.

I don't like blinders. Do I know anything? Nope. My writing is probably so far off the mark that it would insult anyone that read it. Will I stop? I don't think I can......

And the Morning was the First Day

Not that anyone cares - I'm mostly the only person that reads these posts. And Reader.

But today is the first day of the...writing camp? I still can't recall what it's callled.... I am a Dreamer; Let me Dream is hosting it. OR something.

I don't know....anyway.

Introductions....

Good grief.

What DO I write? Fantasy. Noir.

That about sums it up.

Fantasy is the vast majority. I started out writing sci-fi, but tend to get lost in the science and math that I don't understand -  so I switched to fantasy where at least I could make everything up to suit me.

I always write fantasy because of WHY I write. I write because of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Both of whom mostly wrote fantasy.....

Fantasy is beautiful, freeing. Anything can happen. Anything will happen. There aren't expectations or rules. I can do whatever I want.

AND I GET TO CREATE PEOPLES!!!!!  And put them all in old gowns and whatnot....

The other genre that is closest to what I write is dystopic historical fiction - AKA I was writing it in the Victorian era but set it in the Forties and put the plot in modern times......  It got REALLY messed up but I aadored it so I left it. I love writing historical fiction because it lets me use my research for writing.

The main thing I write is character studies. I write about the people. It's not the news or the setting or the clothes or the politics - it's the people. How are they shaped. How do they react. What do they value? Why? What lengths would they go to?

So, to use an example from the story I'm currently stuck on....

It's set in modern times. Mostly. Well, it spans a time period from the early seventies to....this year and beyond. It is set in the real world - which causes problems for me, certainly.....

but the stories follow the lives of people. Of a criminal, his family, law enforcement agents, their families, a child slave, a civilian daughter....  The story follows the people. Their actions too, of course - but the people. When they are broken, how they stay strong, how they fall, how they get back up, how they laugh, how they live, how they die....

I write about people. In the end, that is what motivates me - to tell the stories about people, about their fears and dreams and hopes and failures. I tell the stories about things hidden - about things ignored.

bad people do good things, good people do bad things - in the end, there are no white or black hats: everyone wears grey.

The Hats of the World

......So. I'm taking part in Reader's Writing Camp or whatever it's called. It's something to talk about writing, wholesome themes in books and...other stuff that writers deal with I don't actually know I'll figure it out.





A couple of the things it specifically focuses on? Platonic love. Realisitc romantic love. Obvious Good versus Evil.

Yes. Alright. I'm just going to sit over here and die laughing.



Platonic love is easily covered. That's basically the only kind I write. Romantic love? HA! Yeah, nope. I'll try my best but my only romantic couple is basically only married for convenience. Lovely.


And oh boy good versus evil.....  Anyone that reads my stories knows I tend to side with the antiheroes and the complicated loyalties. Boiled down, of course, everything is strictly good versus evil but....  Life is very often more a matter of good people doing bad things and bad people doing bad things and it all ends up a very muddled mess of grey. 'Good' and 'Evil' can seem complicated to define.

Especially when you take into account the story I'm currently focusing on by default: it's about CRIMINALS. Literally. They do good things. They have loyalty. Honour. Integrity. Love. But they're criminals. They murder and steal.

So much for clear states of good versus evil......

Sorry, that stuck in my head first.

That, and I haven't written here for ages - not that anyone cares.

I want to make a stuffed pineapple.

But that is almost totally irrelevant.

....except I still really want a hug. Can't be helped! Must ignore it.

I'm a seamstress. I think I can probably call myself that....  Or, you know, 'desperate enough for good clothing that I sew up curtains to get it' but 'seamstress' is much simpler to say, oui?

 This is my current project.

Not the pattern though - I'm copying the picture and praying that the dress turns out halfway right.....

I'm doing the red dress - but without the jacket. But basically, that. I have this dark red sheet that has a faint sheen to it, oddly enough; and this white Panama with a black band that I am DYING to wear with this dress.

A black choker as well and....voila!

An elegant, dark, vintage dress - what more could I ask?

(Besides, you know, that it turns out right.....)

 This gown.....

Has been on my 'to make' list for the last year? Two? I don't know.... I've had the cloth for a while since the black satin was on sale. It will be my most expensive dress - and this is mostly the reason I've waited so long to make it.

It's a Christmas/Formal dress - although sadly not floor length - so I plan to give it longer sleeves. I'd love to edge it in black lace too.

I have a black necklace I want to make for it, and of course a black petticoat.

The trickiest part will be the bodice. They never turn out perfect.

.....the skirt doesn't either but at least this will be a circle skirt rather than any Forties skirt.

I have a new reason to make this dress to as long as the Graduation gift of getting to attend an Opera isn't rescinded.....

(Which it very well might be - but! Hey, for this once I'll be an optimist. At least I'll have a gorgeous black dress. At which point there will never be funerals ever again...)

 Now.....

This one is tricky.

The dress was my first gown when I was only an inch or so over five feet. Empire waisted, whide scalloped neckline, my bust was already too large to fit but I laced up the back and made it work. It was my Christmas dress.

I've since outgrown the bodice even with the lacing, so I cut it off and converted it to a skirt.

It sort of works - but the underskirt is too tight now....

So! Since hopefully I'll have more options for Christmas anyway....  Let's convert it to a more Vintagey fashion!

 Because of the sheer amount of....well, sheer material on that black skirt thing, this style is also possible.

If I don't use this cut for another black dress (Yes, I like black. Sue me. It's safer too.) I have this other sheer-ish material this will be perfect for.

This other material is champagne coloured with little black raised dots all over it. Hard to describe....  But beautiful. Very Fifties-Cocktail party material. I adore it

 And the fabric bought for this one was just.....

Priceless.

It's light material - almost sheer, but not really; cool material. As in, good for summer. It's a light yellow with black polka dots all over it. And sprinkled throughout the dots, replacing them? TINY CATS!!

Why is this so wonderful? NOVELTY PRINTS! The Forties were full of them. Some were downright weird.....

But that picture is about the closest approcimation to what I want for it. With shiny black buttons to accent it, and some black lace, of course.

Maybe I'll get another hat made as well.


I also have the gorgeous navy blue sheer material that I am going to make a 1940s floor length formal gown out of.

Will I have anywhere to wear it? Who knows. But one should be prepared, oui?

....now I just have to find the time to make these.....  And pray they turn out well.

LOST DRAFT - .....Again.

So. Funny thing I realised.

I'm pretty good at imitating. Usually if I listen to something, I can imitate it. It takes more practice and concentration if I'm going off script (such as, I'm applying the imitation to words of my own rather than the original quotes) but still. Of course, I'm a girl, so there's always that drawback - but I'm pretty good at imitating.

In imitating voice, I often imitate mannerisms. This comes down more to my habit of profiling and charactersing rather than imitating - but the end result is the same. I study someone, and I pick up their habits. give me a little while, and I could probably copy anyone.

(Funny, the one thing I think I'm good at is useless and I'm probably rubbish at.... Figures.)

But I wasn't feeling well today. Normal event - I usually just think of something else. I'm good at distractions.

Well......  I've been writing a single character lately. I don't know why, probably has to do with the fact that I obsess until I solve things, and it's easier to ignore reality when writing fiction.

But I wasn't feeling well today, and then suddenly I felt fine. Much more caustic and sarcastic than normal perhaps, but fine.

....and then I realised that the mental voice and persona of the character I was writing had come to front.

Thankfully I edit most of my speech or translate it to other languages.

And was working alone.

But that was just...weird! Certainly, I've shifted to other nationalities - but not other personalities!

I recently got a film camera at a thrift store. Circa 1972 Miranda Sensorex II with 50mm lens and no I have no idea what I just said - it was on the label.

I love film cameras. I had a Pentax - still have it somewhere I suppose.... With a good roll of black and white film in it too! - but that has disappeared somewhere..... Annoying. But there's something about film - probably just it's relation to Vintage eras. Although the method of plates and acordians and chemicals is indubiably intruiging, film is better.

However, digital has it's points. First? You can SEE it immediately. And cheaply. Usually there's a feature where you can just look at the pictures you just took, and adjust lighting or setting as needed. Second? There's also auto-sensors! The Sensorex EE did have auto meters, but not MC. Figures. I get the completely manual one.

If I don't know anything about computers or phones, I know less about cameras. ISO? F stop? Mirrors? Light seals? WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS WHY CAN'T I JUST POINT AND CLICK??

And! Don't forget the film! I can't just delete and retake pictures. I won't know for at LEAST a month how the pictures turn out. So by then I won't remember what I did wrong.

So I need to learn all I can about cameras and taking pictures, because I'm going to have to recognise the scene BEFORE I take the picture so I can adjust for it.

Someone explain to me what happened to my mind and my sanity.... Because this is a nightmare waiting to happen. Or maybe it is happening?

And what is it with film cameras?? "I should really change the film. Let's figure out how to open this thing now.... OH DARN IT THERE WAS FILM IN THE BLOODY CAMERA ALREADY!!!" Yeah, I've ruined three rolls of film like that now. Annoying, very.

And I also found my Yashica MG-1.

I have too many film cameras, no film, and no idea what I'm doing.

Surprise!!