2015 - LOTR Blog Party - Day Four

Who is your Favourite Character?

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED TO DO THIS?!?!?!?!?! *grins and dances around the room in glee* Finally!! It has come. Of course, now my endless rants will probably all drop out of my mind now that it's finally here - but let's hope not.

Faramir is definitely my favourite character, no other contestants.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's discuss him.

He's just...Faramir! He is noble and just almost to a fault, a good leader, one who cares for his men and takes his position of authority seriously, he is respectful and obeidient - but he isn't mindless, he's strong - physically, morally, mentally..., he's faithful and has faith...

What I like most about Faramir is his 'quality', as Sam would put it. The part that makes him "a captain that men would follow...even under the shadow of the black wings." The indefinable air about him that seemed to come from the past and permeate his every action - the wisdom he excersied that could not simply be learnt from books or speech.

He was loyal to his family, and to his city - he was not one to compromise on this.

He fought on the front lines of the battle, saw much death and sorrow, lost many of his friends and his men - but somehow he comes out on the other end of the tunnel believing that "This darkness shall not endure."

He is someone who will put his oaths, his friends, his family, his honour above all else.

(As I'm writing this, I keep hearing Balin's words from The Unexpected Journey: "There is one I would follow. There is one I could call King." As much as I disagree with the one they were meant to apply to - they work quite well for Faramir.)

He has patience, and perseverence. He has loyalty, and love - in a way. He's still hopeful, and faithful. He still believes that hope and Hope (AKA Estel) will return - and he is not bitter.

In my opinion, had Boromir somehow not become Steward and had the seat passed to Faramir, Gondor would have had a just and wise ruler - almost to the level of good that Aragorn brings. (Yes, alright - I'm biased. But still. My point stands)

Some of my favourite scenes in the movies and in the books centre on Faramir - although that's not hard to guess.

In the books, my favourite scene is the part in The Two Towers where Frodo and Sam are captured by Faramir's men - I like how he handled the situation. While it ended much the same in the movies (well, alright, I lied: I don't like how the part with Smeágol played out - but that's beside the point. Everything else then - how he judged them.), it wasn't the same. He was more regal, more strong, than in the movies - and more just. Yes, it probably wouldn't have worked as well, given how Frodo is essentially recounting their journey, and it would have been much longer - but still! It works much better.

Another marvellous scene in the book is where Aragorn heals him, and he awakes with the desire to serve his king. "My lord, you called me. I come. What does the king command?" Remember? Loyalty, faith, quality...All there. Pretty much the best scene here - if I could only choose one, this would be it.

Thankfully, I wasn't asked to do that though... *grins*

In the films, off the top of my head, my favourite scene is probably the one where he take Denethor's command to retake Osgiliath. I always. End up. Crying!!!!

*sighs* But 'tis part of the grandeur and wonder of the world Tolkien created...

My other favourite characters are Sam, Aragorn (preferred in the books), Eowyn (preferred in the books), and Elrond.

My reasons for liking them are much the same as Faramir - but he remains my favourite!

2015 - LOTR Blog Part - Day Three

What is your favourite dwelling?

*blinks* Why, why do we have this nigh impossible feats to perform? How did it come to this?

Ahem, Anyway. Favourite place to live....

Probably Rivendell. Or Hobbiton. (Can we do two? We should be allowed to do two - there's less chance of brain implosions then... *grins*)

Now, to talk about it. Let's start with Rivendell.

Um, it's filled with Elves and books? Really, what else do you need? It has horses somewhere, so it's perfect.

Rivendell is my favourite place in Middle earth. It has Eldar, and that is a major point in its favour. It also happens to have Elrond and Aragorn and Bilbo - but that's irrelevant to this question...

And the library...!!!! Have you seen it??? Somewhere - or it was mentioned. *frowns* Great, now I can't remember - ANYWAY. There has to be a library somewhere - I refuse to believe that there isn't.

And it's so peaceful there - a haven, rightly called. It's so beautiful and peaceful - and when you go there, you feel like nothing bad can ever reach you.

Alright, I don't really know why I like it best, or why I would want to live there - mostly because it's safe.

I know as soon as this is posted, I'll think of a million reasons more why I would wish to live there... *sighs*

And the leader is good. Not aloof as in Loth Loríen, nor ignorant/possessed/brainwashed as in Rohan, nor as corrupted as in Gondor - just good. Tired, exhausted, human - but good.

And, my reasons for Rivendell outweighed those of Hobbiton, so that's decided...

2015 - LOTR Blog Party - Day Two

Which is your favourite book and/or movie?

Firstly: why do we have these impossible tasks?!?! Have you TRIED to pick only one?? You have to have the rest for it to make sense!!! It just doesn't work otherwise...

Alright, now that that's dealt with, let's move on...

My favourie book and/or movie...Hmmm. (have I mentioned extrememly hard tasks?!)

Alright: Return of the King.

The book had more scenes from my favourite characters, as well as the appendices with the notes on the languages in the back. In that book, it brought Éowyn to Faramir; and it healed more of the brokenness that was in all of the characters.

The third book was filled with so much marvellous moments. There were the instances of friendships being strengthened between Pippen and Merry, Legolas and Gimli, Frodo and Sam, etcetra. There were also multitude acts of bravery and chivalry and loyalty: Éowyn and Merry fighting the Witch King for Théoden, Aragorn in the House of Healing, Sam fighting to save Frodo, the Eagles, etcetra... Then of course, the renewing of life and love (they go hand in hand for me, so...), with Faramir and Éowyn and how they were both healed and brought together; with Aragorn and Arwen wed after many MANY years; Sam marrying Rosie and his family being started; Gondor and Arnor reunited as one; the White Tree was replanted; the Shire cleaned up; (Saruman killed...); Saroun defeated, etcetra...

And, oh! The sheer amount of wonderfully quoteable lines and moving scenes is astounding!!! The charges, the description of the battle fields, the description of people, the events - I could write a trillion poems inspired by this book and still not run out of inspirations!!!
Yes, alright, I love the book. I cannot even begin to tell you what I like - the amount of quotes and pictures and scenes included here...'Twould be easier to just include the book. Trust me...

Of course, don't get me started on the movie... Wallpapers, poems, quotes - it's just so beautiful and moving and brave and...and.... *speechless*

Words have failed to suit my cause -

So pardon me as I will pause.

*sighs*

But the third book is also the best because it is an end AND a beginning. It is the end of the darkness and despair and the fear prevalent throughout the earlier books; yet is also the bright, hopeful beginning to the Fourth Age. It hold some of the darkest moments, but also the brightest; it is the saddest book, yet also the happiest. It's the book that makes it all worthwhile - that makes the death and the sacrifice somehow worth it. Not entirely, but a little bit.

That being said, Return of the King is definitely my favourite book. (And movie.)

*studiously does NOT thinking of the countless reasons why she likes the others as well* And I shall leave it at that...

2015 - LOTR Blog Party - Day One

So several people recently have asked me how I met Bella. There are three distinct points in time: the hairstyle from Doctor Who's "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS", the Lord of the Rings blog party, and my interest in Catholicism. The first two were in passing, the third was the lasting one that changed my life and hopefully gives her the patience to put up with my mistakes and misunderstandings and general mess..... (Please, please, please?)

I found the hairstyle, but discounted it because my hair wasn't long enough. A few months to a year later, I came back to do the hairstyle on my sister; and I discovered the blog party. Never one to pass up on a chance to talk about LOTR, I asked to take part even though I had no blog.

She has kindly given me permission to repost my tags here, so....voila! My very first blog posts - technically.

Since I am rewatching the series currently, maybe I will do another run through these tags and see what changes.

A New Day

"A Saint is a sinner who keeps Trying."

-- Josemaria Escriva

A new day, a new week, a new chance....

I never understood unworthiness. I never understood the Confiteor. I never understood...any of that. I mean, really? "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee..."? Rather, drmatic, don't you think?

Apparently not. If anything, it isn't strong enough.

How do you keep from doing something if you aren't really even sure what it is exactly that you did? I have an idea, but only because it is following a pattern I have had in the past: I get irritated and frustrated with the wrongs others are commiting around me, and then shortly thereafter I realise that I am doing the EXACT same thing. (So then, of course, I have to stop being irritated with them and focus on correcting myself, but...) Here I am irritated with hypocrisy and self-righteousness and....And here I am with the same attitudes.

But how did it come out? How can I keep it from coming out? How can I get rid of it? If I didn't even know it was there, if I honestly thought that I was in the right and behaving humbly....

yes, yes, I know.... Don't get worked up about it too much, it's not the end of the world (THANK GOD) and I am not the most worthless person in the world and I am still a baby Christian and.....

So on and so forth. I can repeat the anti-depressive points as well as everyone else.

But the truth is still there and I will not excuse myself. I destroyed one friendship, and probably caused problems with several others - I never, ever, ever want to do so again. Once I know where I have a fault, I should be more careful to keep from it!

It is overwhelming and I want to throw in the towel and give up. It would be easier.

Prayer.... It almost scares me. Trusting God scares me - having faith scares me. (Which scares me more because, that which I fear will come upon me? I know, I know: doesn't quite work that way.) I preferred a Christianity that was Natural, that was explainable. I preferred a world without angels or demons or miracles or faith or....anything like that. I prefered a scientific world - a reasonable world. it certainly didn't seem that much to ask.

Sure, I believed every word of the Bible was true, sure I believed that miracles and inexplicable things happened to the very real people therein; but.... But, well, that was then, right? Now.... Now we had cars and cell phones and men didn't wear dresses and women had a vote and a choice and were worth more than a few cows, and the supernatural was only a thing of the past. Demons were burning in hell, and angels worshipped in heaven, and gaurdian angels were a thing people told little babied, and demon possession was just a thing of horror films. That was all. The world was logical, and made sense. I was comfortable and that was fine. I believed in God, in his Son, and I prayed but.... Well, God doesn't answer in an audible voice, and really the only reason for praying was to get saved. Nothing else really mattered - you were on your own.

No. I do NOT like realising that a world where the Saints and angels are able to help me is also a world where...well, where they CAN help me. That is just weird.

What was my point.... Good grief. I lost it....

Ach, I give up.

I wish I could get rid of the sickening feeling inside me. I wish I could feel alright - didn't feel so hopelessly worthless. I wish I could believe this will work out, that I won't turn around and feel it all yanked out from underneath me again. I wish I could stop waiting for the other shoe to fall.

but I can't. Not yet. Not for a while. It's not right yet - I haven't made it right. Nothing bad has happened - I haven't been punished, so it isn't alright.

I know that way of thinking can cause problems, but I can't help it now. It's all I know. And right now I am just.....existing. Caught between waiting for the punishment I deserve and the longing to believe that it will be alright.

Which leads me back to my original point of I have no idea how to keep from making this mistake again.

The Saddest Words....

Ah, writers.... we love our phrases, don't we? Almost cliched some of them, but....how else can we describe things? Perhaps some of us more ameteur humans, us inexperienced children - perhaps we think that we can show it, that any amount of words can replace that phrases that so aptly describes something.....

Do you know what it's like to sob? To feel those gut-wrenching, frame-shaking screams that are too broken to even make noise? Do you know what that's like, do you have any idea? have you experienced it?

I have. Many times. I have felt that storm inside me, so strong I can't make a sound.

yesterday, I experienced what it was like to weept like that through sorrow.

Oh, dear Reader, it is very different from crying in anger. The despair, the loss, that scream that reaches for answers it knows it won't get..... It is so very different.  One could get lost in it. One could never escape it. One could say it was like a knife twisted in a chest.

and there's that phrase. Writers, do you understand what that means? Have you felt that sudden ache - that breathlessness as you realise you miscalculated, as you realise that you have made an irreparable error somewhere along the way

It is most definitely a knife.

And friends? There is no other phrase that can quite describe it.

"Happy is the man whose mouth brings him no grief, 
who is not stung by remorse for sin.
Happy is the man whose conscience does not reproach him, 
who has not lost hope." 
-- Sirach 14:1-2

And I am assuredly not happy.

Oh merciful Lord who offers a way of repentence! Who is kind enough to guard his children from doing wrong! Forgive me my sins. teach me your ways, keep me in your love.

I....don't know if I will add more to this. I don't know which blog this belongs on. But....

Oh, his goodness in keeping me from going too far - his mercifulness in giving me a chance.

let my pride be broken, let me anger be cooled. let me show God in me.

If I sing but don't have love,

I waste my breath with every song

I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise...

If I speak with a silver tongue,

Convince a crowd but don't have love,

I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.

If I give to a needy soul

But don't have love, then who is poor?

It seems all the poverty is found in me.

Words are my weapons. I learnt that ages ago with my brother. What I forget is that the knives I handle so casually, others are not so used to being cut by. Some people are still soft - some people are still alive. I forget, and in that I sin. I sin and I can only ask for forgiveness. I cannot apologise enough - I can never apologise enough.

I pray I never do. I pray that that anguish - that knife - I pray it is a thorn in my side, ever to remind me of my mistakes. 

I pray to be a saint. That is my prayer. I pray that the Blessed Mother will pray for me and guide me as she did her Son. 

....suddenly I wonder what exactly it is that I am praying for. I thank them! But I fear.

Oh my friends, my readers....guard your tongue. Guard your friends. Know what matters to you and hold that close. Never be too proud. Never scorn warnings from your friends. Never ignore chastisement from the Lord.

if you do, it will go worse and you will be broken without rememdy; to quote my father's favourite verse.

Thank you Lord. Thank you for your mercy.