I'm OK

So obviously I'm in a great mood.

And you know what, I'm just going to have a pity party here because I really hate it. When I post the next picture, the really whiny pity party will be over - feel free to skip. Actually, please skip. I am venting and you don't need to be burdened with this. Thanks. Bye.

What is wrong with me? What is so bad about me that no one comes close? I mean, I know I'm loud, I know I'm irritating, I'm depressed, I'm.... Everything about me. I just want to be wanted. I want someone to look at me and really want me. For my body, for my mind, for my humour - I don't really care what.

I guess I want to be popular. Just for once, I don't want everyone to give me that look that is just 'you're weird and just wrong and we'll just back away slowly since you are just wrong'. I hate that look, that feeling. I hate being passed off, sneered at. I hate being unable to relate. I hate me.

What is so wrong about me? Why can't I be wanted? why can't I have friends? Why can't I do any good? Why is my voice so painful - why does my singing irritate everyone? Why do I have to be so abrasive?

What is so wrong with me? Why can't I be liked? Why can't I be wanted?

I just want to be good, and liked, and wanted. I just want someone to want me, to care about me. I want someone to put me first.

Not likely to happen is it.....

So my pity party is over but now I am out of things to say.....

So I've been catching up with Doctor Who again - probably won't watch the next series of course but! For now I am thoroughly enjoying the Twelfth.

And by the way? WHAT IS IT WITH COMPANIONS BEING CONVERTED TO HORRIBLE THINGS AND BEING UNAWARE OF IT WHY ARE WE TORTURED THIS WAY???

Spoiler alert, I suppose.

And. Oh. My. Word.

The Christmas special was awesome!!!!!! So very - oh it was awesome. SPOILER ALERT!!!! SKIP TO THE NEXT GIF TO AVOID!!!

One and Twelve and Lethbridge-Stewart and a happy ending and did I mention One was there???? Oh it was.....I was in love. He does such a good job bringing One back to life - I love it. And after the last Regeneration episode I watched, this was a definite treat - it actually had any sort of plot!!!! *Groans* Matt's regeneration episode was horrific.

So this was at least really good. I wants it now - I wants it, my precious!

....unfortunately, that means I'm all caught up on Doctor Who again and I only have the girl left and I cannot express my nausea with that casting decision. She was great as Lethbridge-Stewart's granddaughter - why are we ruining her?????

And I finally finished my newest outfit!!!!! Black and white checked material in a circle skirt and a bolero jacket, and I even made a rose choker to go with it. I edged the jacket in black lace, and I want to do the same for the skirt now, even though that would be a ton of lace. But it would look so much better than now. I didn't have the patience to properly hem it so I did it with machine and oh, how i hate how that looks...... But circle skirts have so much yardage at the hem, and this has almost twice as much on accident......

But I might just drop the money so it can be properly finished. I'll post a picture of whatever I do the next time I wear it. Or, well, the first time I wear it, I guess.

And I just love pinning yards of lace on things, I really do. I mean, when people ask me, "Wow. How did you make such an awesome dress without a pattern?" I can reply, "Blood, sweat, and tears - no, really, that's how i made it. Tons of blood from when I stabbed needles into my fingers, tears from after, and sweat as I tried to keep the bloody lace in place as I sewed. Seriously - why does Snow White's mother get so worked up? It's basically impossible to keep blood out of sewing projects!"

Nope, I'm not overdramatic at all.....

I had always thought this was from a sad film....

Anyway! Have fun with life, I'm going to go endeavour to make it through another day.

Auf weidersehn!