Blood and Water

So I was doing some research, finding some inspiration, trying desperately to distract myself....

It didn't work.

That might have been the subject matter though.....  Very often, to deal with things, I turn TO them rather than away. If I am scared, I'll research it. If I'm sad, I'll research it. If I'm angry, I'll research it. So on and so forth.... I did this with autopsies, abuse, murder, and manipulation, and many other things. If there's a monster in the dark I want to KNOW my enemy so I can defeat it.

Anyway!

So when I'm upset I tend to research things to distract myself but it doesn't exactly work as, well, I'm focusing on what upsets me.... That's beside the point.

Do you know how much I hate this saying?

'Blood' is family, 'water' is...everyone else.

Blood is the family you were born with, the one that contributed DNA and RNA and chromosomes and whatever else was involved. Blood relations are the ties you are bound to the ones you own your loyalty to regardless of what comes.

Friends, acquaintances.... They're water. They pass easily. They aren't going to stand by you forever. They aren't bound by any duty or loyalty - they will choose their own blood relations and their own desires over yours.

In the end, no matter what their mistakes, you can only trust your blood family. Only blood lasts.

So.

I hate that saying. It sort of goes hand in hand with the fifth commandment.

But I also couldn't agree with it.

First, what about adopted children? What about David and Jonathan? What about husbands and wives?

Married couples are an excellent point - adopted children, one could argue that being raised by the parents makes them by default blood because of familial ties (we'll.....pretend that works); but married couples? They meet generally as adults and already have a  blood family. Getting married is NOT a blood oath - they're only bound by law, tradition, and honour. And God, of course.

So if blood is thicker than water (in the way the saying means), how does marriage work? Technically, husband and wife would put their biological family first.

I guess this is why the wife submits to the husband - so one family is chosen to cleave to and only one bloodline.

Alright. Fine.

What about David and Jonathan?

They were DEFINITELY not blood. By battle, perhaps - but they weren't blood. By all right, according to familial loyalty, Jonathan shouldn't have sided with David. David was going to take Jonathan's right of succession - going to take the crown.

The thing about loyalty is that it's always by blood. From father to son, from son to daughter, from daughter to niece, from niece to uncle.....etc.

The crown or title is handed down through the family. It's passed down to the closest living relative. Blood relative. (except for occasionally when they're adopted - but still.) So by all rights, Jonathan shouldn't have sided with David.

....and don't try to tell me the saying or idea didn't exist back then.

And yes, God set it up - but nonetheless. Another reason I find the saying...irritating.

So however it was, I ended up researching old sayings.

There's another meaning for 'blood is thicker than water'. There's another version that says 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb'.

....how much more sense does that make??

That saying would cover ALL relationships. Both biological and by choice.

Just like a birth mother can give up her child by choice (or kill it, but let's leave that for another day...) and a stranger can adopt a kid and raise it like it was their own - biologic ties make...no difference. In the end you CHOOSE to honour those ties.

Because there is a difference from a duty and a....loyalty, so to say.

I would serve my family. I would give everything for them. But to choose between my biological family and the people I have chosen to...adopt as family?  I would choose the lesser of two evils and would not choose my biological family just because I share DNA with them.

Not to mention!

If blood ties were...all-prevailing, why can fathers - and mothers - just walk out on their families? Hmmm??

If blood ties are all prevailing, how can the family be torn apart by abuse,  murder, cruelty, greed...

It's because 'blood' makes no difference. Humans could act like the cuckoo birds and just leave their kids with other strangers and it would make no difference. The loyalty, the relations - it's in...conditioning. Tradition.

From birth we're all taught in some way to consider those that raised us as 'family', as people that will be their and have a duty to stay with us. There are many degrees of this in the world, different variations on what the role of the family is - but whereever you go there is the subconscious expectations that family behaves a certain way.

But because youths are basically always and forever expected to obey their authority and elders, the 'bond' created isn't always....fair. Isn't always right.

But we can 'adopt' families. We can create our own family from friends. We can bring people around us that will never leave us - that we can depend on.

It's covenants that hold us together - agreements, understandings. Kin-blood makes no difference.

Just because you bore a child doesn't give you the right to treat it however you want, to get respect no matter what. Just because you are a parent doesn't necessarily make you family.