Hell No, Heavens Yes, Purgatory Maybe?

I finished the book! I finally finished the Christmas present fanfiction turned original fiction book and I am free! It's all done!

Now that it's done - whatever shall I do? I mean, my hours are freed up! I'm all my own again! I can do what I want!

Let's start another book!

Because yeah. That makes total sense.

Speaking of writing another book: yeah, I didn't think that idea through on many levels. Because writing a book where the main character is an older brother who leaves a semi-abusive situation (if not outright abusive, but we've not really decided....it depends on whether or not he can be redeemed I suppose. He's narcisstic definitely, and definitely gaslighting..... I hate him.) and gets into one bad situation that seems good at first before it all goes to hell, and then moves to a third situation that his hard and hurtful but ultimately good isn't triggering at ALL.

I mean, no similarities there, right? all coincidence. Nothing from personal experience that I could ever put in the story. All fiction.

But no. in seriousness, I am actually really enjoying writing this. No idea how well it will go since it's fanfiction for a world that I don't actually know really well; but....we'll see.

But I love writing. I really do. There is something about it - the challenge of sharing a world that you see in your head in such a way that others can enjoy it too. Show, not tell; but tell, don't show. Use words, but don't use too much. Describe, but leave to the imagination. Have fun, but remember rules. Edit, but just write. Oh, it's fun.

Although starting another book while I still have to rewrite half of my other present?? Not my brightest idea, I'll admit.... But I need my book for reference and I don't have that since it's in New Mexico for conversion! soooo.... I'll start a new story.

That being said, this is definitely a new thing for me. I started out writing fantasy, but it's been years since I tried and I've been writing in the real world exclusively lately.

I love corsetting. Have I mentioned that I love corsetting? It is so much fun and so utterly comfortable - huh, I realised that this was one of those things we debated that day, Bella! I should do a post on copywrite next time!!!

Anyway! I got distracted.

So what's the first thing anyone does the minute I mention anything about shapewear at all?

I swear that is an exact picture of one person I had such a conversation with.

(If you believe that, you also believes all of the myths about corsets and this next gif is for you.)

At which point my reaction has come to be:

Corsets! Broken bones! Sixteen-inch waists! Deformity! Horror! Despair! Fear! Diseases! Back problems! Tuberculosis! Misogony! Degradation of women!

And then I slowly implode into a raging ball of irritation.

first! We cannot judge previous cultures by the standards of our own!  It's amazing how much a difference education and time can make, and we cannot look back on previous decades and scorn them for their less than laudable actions when peoples in future decades will hopefully be more advanced than us and will surely mock our mistakes and criticise us.

So that got derailed.

Next! Corsets are not that bad! Shall we repeat it for those who were covering their ears and la-la-la-ing me out? CORSETS ARE NOT BAD!!!

There is nothing inherently misogynistic, cruel, or unhealthy about them - in fact, they can even make a person healthier. They improve posture, can correct back problems, can control portion eating, can help with anxiety...

And for the love of all that is good: no! Corsets do not suffocate you! Nor do they break bones! They aren't even that strong! The laces will break long before  your bones do - sorry. They aren't actually torture devices! They are pieces of clothing that just slim and move a little and are basically like a push-up bra, alright? Did everyone hear that?

And no, you won't suffocate either. Alright? NO! No woman was going to be idiotic enough to lace it that tightly, and we just find it hard to breathe because we are used to breathing with our lower lungs. In a corset, one just breathes with the top of won'es lungs, alright? Trust me, you won't suffocate.

And you know what the first rule about corsetting is? If it hurts: you're doing it wrong!

There is nothing wrong with corsetting, it is perfectly safe if done right. Listen to your body, take it slow, you'll be fine in your constant hug.

(No joke - wearing a corset feels like a little kid is hugging you as tightly around your waist as they can all day - it's awesome!)

So please stop freaking out. I'm not mutliating myself. (well, I am, but not with a corset. Razor blades work much better.) I'm not hating my body. I'm just embracing all that society has given women through the years to accentuate their best features and look stunning, and if you have a problem with that?

I don't care.

I will enjoy my red lipstick and my pincurls and my petticoats and my corsets - most importantly my corsets. I'll feel pretty for once in my life, and I'll be strong for once in my life, and I'll stand up straight and tall and I'll be safe. I'll be me, and it won't matter what anyone else thinks because I'll be perfectly fine. I don't have to be a size two, I don't have to have a thirteen-inch waist, I don't have to be five feet and two inches, I don't have to wear 'natural' make-up.....

No one else is going to like me. I might as well do what I like once in a while.

On a much less bitter note: I found this and it's perfect. The corsets might not hurt me, but until I find shoes in my size, I'll definitely have problems there.

Dalmations or Spots or Posts?

So I didn't realise that my last past was my one hundredth post - so here is my hundred and first!

Actually, I am just writing because: I finished my book!!! I mean, like, I actually sat down to write a book and I FINISHED IT! It has a plot and character developement and.....I can't believe it. Two hundred and fifty pages and I am in shock. I finished it. It took a while what with the formatting, and the ending might be really rushed but...... Well, given I plan to add an entirely new arc to the middle of the book, I'll have to rewrite the ending anyway.

But still. I am the person of a hundred ideas and a thousand worlds and a million characters and not a single finished story. So what if this story is originally fanfiction? So what if it is a Christmas present that is hopelessly late? So what if I will have to change all of the names? I don't really care - I am just ecstatic that I actually accomplished this. I mean, I finished this - maybe I can publish it! Maybe I can actually publish a book! Maybe I cando what I have always wanted to do! I mean, yeah, sure, it's not like I'll be famous - but I don't care. I will have a book.

Also, yes, apparently I am celebrating my one hundred and first post with the return of my gif game.

Huzzah! I, at least, missed it.

Alright, alright, yes - back on topic.

I really wish I weren't so excited about this. I just want this happy feeling to last - this hope to last. I don't want to deal with more disappointment now.... I just want to bind the book for my friend, and then edit the digital copy, and just pretend that I can make a cover and publish a book and people will like it.

I mean, come on - I write about womanising and trafficking and torture and rape.....I don't exactly have a wide circle of friends who will enjoy that. Or be allowed to read it, for that matter.

And sure, yeah, I plan on publishing a first edition that is cleaned of that plot point, but I mean.....

The fact that I can use that gif ought to say a lot...

But I mean really - what would ever be my audience? My friends?

And the strange thing is that this book is that is nothing like I ever wanted to write. I never wanted to write a romance book, or a spy book - I always shied away from anything set on Earth. I wrote fantasy - I twisted myths to fit my imaginings. I was never supposed to write....this.

But here it is. And it isn't horrific. It's alright. And it is done. Honestly, that alone is a stupendous acheivement. Sure, it's not actually published yet - but it's started. I started it, and finished it. I had the intention of writing a novel, and i actually did it. I DID SOMETHING!!!

....and now I just realised that I don't actually have a title for the book. I've been calling it 'book' for all this time, the 'Cass/Karg book'.... Darn it. I can't title!

I'll just have to ask everyone who reads it for title ideas.

Along with everyone else.

And think up a list of questions to ask everyone that reads it.

Figures.

Ooohhh! I had another point and now i've forgotten it, darn it.....

Oh wait, I remembered!

So, a question for anyone reading this: what is your opinion on copywrit, the lapse thereof and things going into public domain? I'd love to hear it! *grins*

The Saddest Words....

Ah, writers.... we love our phrases, don't we? Almost cliched some of them, but....how else can we describe things? Perhaps some of us more ameteur humans, us inexperienced children - perhaps we think that we can show it, that any amount of words can replace that phrases that so aptly describes something.....

Do you know what it's like to sob? To feel those gut-wrenching, frame-shaking screams that are too broken to even make noise? Do you know what that's like, do you have any idea? have you experienced it?

I have. Many times. I have felt that storm inside me, so strong I can't make a sound.

yesterday, I experienced what it was like to weept like that through sorrow.

Oh, dear Reader, it is very different from crying in anger. The despair, the loss, that scream that reaches for answers it knows it won't get..... It is so very different.  One could get lost in it. One could never escape it. One could say it was like a knife twisted in a chest.

and there's that phrase. Writers, do you understand what that means? Have you felt that sudden ache - that breathlessness as you realise you miscalculated, as you realise that you have made an irreparable error somewhere along the way

It is most definitely a knife.

And friends? There is no other phrase that can quite describe it.

"Happy is the man whose mouth brings him no grief, 
who is not stung by remorse for sin.
Happy is the man whose conscience does not reproach him, 
who has not lost hope." 
-- Sirach 14:1-2

And I am assuredly not happy.

Oh merciful Lord who offers a way of repentence! Who is kind enough to guard his children from doing wrong! Forgive me my sins. teach me your ways, keep me in your love.

I....don't know if I will add more to this. I don't know which blog this belongs on. But....

Oh, his goodness in keeping me from going too far - his mercifulness in giving me a chance.

let my pride be broken, let me anger be cooled. let me show God in me.

If I sing but don't have love,

I waste my breath with every song

I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise...

If I speak with a silver tongue,

Convince a crowd but don't have love,

I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.

If I give to a needy soul

But don't have love, then who is poor?

It seems all the poverty is found in me.

Words are my weapons. I learnt that ages ago with my brother. What I forget is that the knives I handle so casually, others are not so used to being cut by. Some people are still soft - some people are still alive. I forget, and in that I sin. I sin and I can only ask for forgiveness. I cannot apologise enough - I can never apologise enough.

I pray I never do. I pray that that anguish - that knife - I pray it is a thorn in my side, ever to remind me of my mistakes. 

I pray to be a saint. That is my prayer. I pray that the Blessed Mother will pray for me and guide me as she did her Son. 

....suddenly I wonder what exactly it is that I am praying for. I thank them! But I fear.

Oh my friends, my readers....guard your tongue. Guard your friends. Know what matters to you and hold that close. Never be too proud. Never scorn warnings from your friends. Never ignore chastisement from the Lord.

if you do, it will go worse and you will be broken without rememdy; to quote my father's favourite verse.

Thank you Lord. Thank you for your mercy.

Civil War Remix - Tag! Again. Because I wanted to see if I could... And I feel terrible....

Alright. So I know I chose Steve's side. No, I'm not changing.

However. The party is technically done. So I'm...twisting some things.

That, and I realise that if something just...If Steve and Bucky didn't have that whatever it is that makes them preferable to Tony, I'd be on Tony's side.

And because in all honesty I don't know why I bother choosing 'favourite' characters. I always end up changing my mind and...

Sorry. It's annoying. It annoys me.

By the way. If you want me to change my mind about something - tell me to write a blog post. Apparently that works....

1. What is your favorite Iron Man movie?

Iron Man 3. I've never quite figure out WHAT annoys me about Tony but...it wasn't there.  I enjoyed the part where it was Tony that did the work - not the suit, Tony. And Tony's intelligence was showcasted basically and..  *Grins* I love his genius!!  And he just...makes up these things and takes down the security and...

I loved it.

2. When did you decide you loved Iron Man?

Oh boy.....

Welcome to the mess that is my head.

When did I love Tony? In the first five minutes of the first movie.

He's sarcastic, genius, dark....  The perfect character. Yeah, he was a playboy as he himself says but...I've liked worse characters and...that wasn't it. I've never really been figure out EXACTLY what bothers me about him. Over familiarity? Experience? The realisation that so much of the plot in the first and second films could have probably been solved if he just THOUGHT for a moment. (oh. Look. What does he do in Civil War again....  *sighs*)

But....

Oh, I always liked Iron Man. He just....didn't fit perfect. *grins* He's endlessly fun though and I really wish I could sit through the first two movies more often. I always forget how much utter fun I have when I can ignore the little pointless things.

3. Do you tend to agree with Iron Man's thinking/logic?

Absolutely.

Way too much.

Steve is...good. I'm very much not. I keep repeating the same bloody mistakes - stuck in the same rut. I paint a mask to wear to be perfect. I don't apologise. I give gifts because words are liars. I don't think I can be loved. I ruin the good things. I feel more comfortable with my creations than the real world. I love to destroy things. I love to play the manipulation game. I can both blame everyone and blame myself. I blame myself for too much.

Do I agree with Tony's thinking and logic?

Oh yes.

Maybe that's why...why something bothers me: there's nothing to change.

Of course - I'm not that smart. I'm not a genius. I'm not the centre of all attention. I'm ignorable. I'm hopefully not as abrasive but.....

I could be. I could so easily be.

And most people don't like that. Better to admire Steve than to emphathise with Tony.

4.) What is one thing about Tony that drives you insane?

....ego? Pride? The mask he wears that says he's alright while never letting anyone in? The bandages he applies that hide the wounds that never heal? The way he draws all of the attention to one area in his life to hide the fact that he's miserable at all the rest?

*sighs*

He's over-dramatic. He takes the blame. He depends on himself.

What drives me insane?

Is that I fully understand him. It makes sense.

5.) Do you think you'd like Tony In real life?

Yes! I think it would be an utter disaster - he's too messed up to be a good acquaintance and I'm not well-balanced enough to deal with that.

However.

He loves to talk. I love to learn. I've a feeling we'd get along swimmingly, dangerously. Someone to test my theories - to try my ideas.....

Oh yeah, I think I'd like him.

He'd be a good distraction too. On the days when I didn't want to feel. When I didn't want to be me....

I wouldn't be the smart person.

Oh, he'd be harsh and cruel and as I said I think that would be a bad acquaintanceship but....

And Tony would be a TERRIBLE influence on me.

6.) Do you think you'd get along with Pepper Pots? What about Rhodey?

Rhodey - yes. Pepper.....no. Pepper is....she is that sort of person that...talks another language? Doesn't always hear what's really being said? Oh, she does. She's smart. But...there's something about her....

Rhodey would speak his mind. He's not going to tiptoe around something. He might not always go about it the best way but... I wouldn't be left wondering what's the truth.

7.) Would you like to live in Stark Tower?

If I can have a room/computer to myself? Absolutely. As long as I could be alone. Very alone. Leave me alone...

Not to mention!!  I could learn everything then! People would teach me!!

I mean, I try not to take advantage but... Sometimes it's allowed.

8.) Would you want to try out/own any of Iron Man's robots or fancy little gadgets?

....not really. I mean, they're interesting but.... I want to learn how to MAKE them!!

9.) What is your favorite Iron Man quote?

And those quotes sum up Tony. The child-like wonder and curiosity that never really died, the mask that can't be broken - that can take any abuse and keep going; and the determination that....feeds him. The drive for perfection that he knows he can never truly reach - he'll always be...second-best. 'Avenging' rather than 'defending'.

10.) If Tony as he is now volunteered to take you to dinner and a movie, would you accept his invitation? Not a date, just a night out cause he knows you are soooooo stressed.

Absolutely.

And I'm bringing my letter-opener and if he tries anything I'm stabbing him with it.

Oddly enough, I'd trust him.

Mostly because if it had gotten to the point where he'd ask me and I'd accept, I'd have learnt how to avoid it. Or he had learnt timing but....

No. I'd love to go out.

And try to stab him if he tried anything. (Like I said - he'd be a bad influence on me....)

It's too easy to sympathise and understand Tony. It's too easy to know him.

He's too familiar. WAY too familiar....

By the way: do you know what my favourite Tony Stark scene is? The ending fight scene of Civil War. Really. IT WAS JUST SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING AND SAD AND DESPERATE AND PERSONAL AND-!!!!!

Civil War Day Two - The Tag!

1.) What is your favorite Captain America movie?

The First Avenger

First? VINTAGE!! Oh, darling, the whole thing is set in the FORTIES! In World War II! In good costuming! In gorgeous sets! In Brooklyn! In Europe! In....the Forties!!

Also: NO. ROMANCE. 

Well, there is, obviously, but...  It took me about four watches to even notice it so...that's a win. (Notice all the romance BESIDES the kiss. The kiss was rather obvious....)

And it's hilarious.

It's so sad though! Dr. Erskine, and Bucky, and Bucky, and Peggy, and the Commandos, and BUCKY and.....  

Alright. In more seriousness....

I liked the first film because of the setting primarily, and the time period. I liked it because of the nostalgia, the decade they portrayed. I like it because of the characters - because of the...well, cliches they undid. I LOVED Howard. Which was utterly surprising given how much I detest his son... But if Team Stark had been led by Howard? Yeah... THEN I'd actually be in trouble deciding between the two.

Tony is self-centered.

Howard is...not. And something...DRASTICALLY changed between the Iron Man films and Steve, and Agent Carter. Maybe different perspective? maybe because the one is from the viewpoint of his hurting son, and the other is from....equals? Oh, he still has much of the same flaws - the same...weaknesses. But there is strength in him. He's selfless when it's necessary. He loves. He's human. He's...good.

.....still can't stand Tony.

(And although that above irony is pointed out, Red Skull ALSO attacked him with a knife. So even just in the same FILM....)

But The First Avenger...  It showed people. WWII. Friends. Family. Those who cared so much and those who didn't care at all. It showed the little people and the big ones. The idiots and the giants. Those that were empty and those that were full - those that were important and those that seemed important.

I will say one other thing: I never figured out Zola. He wasn't really...convinced in the first film. He always seemed...nervous? Coerced? And then we find out that he saved Hydra??  I'm sorry....  It just...doesn't fit. Not with his actions in the first film.

.....the first film wasn't a superhero film. It was a story about people. That's why I liked it.  

2.) When did you decide you loved Captain America?

 That boy that would. not. stay. down.

That tiny kid that challenged a much bigger man just because of honour. That's when I loved the character. That's when I loved Steve. When Captain America ran away to find the 107th. When he came back to face punishment. That's when I loved the Captain.

I watched The Avengers first in the MCU after Iron Man I (which I didn't connect and only saw because Da liked it...). Hawkeye was actually the reason I watched it. And then Coulson the reason I watched any of the rest of the movies.

I could NOT stand Captain America. He was self-righteous and stiff and too goody-goody and self-important and hypocritical and...  No. I couldn't stand it. He argued and fought and he JUST got there who put him in charge?

He rubbed me so wrong I almost didn't watch First Avenger. Buuuut.....the allure of the 1940s drew me and I watched it because it couldn't be THAT bad.

And there was ONE scene in The Avengers that...surprised me. And for all that I couldn't stand Steve? He was my favourite character in the movie BECAUSE of that one scene.

So...basically a Christian? In a modern movie? (yes, I'm shocked by that...) So blatantly stated? I was willing to put up with his annoyancies for Vintage and morals and....

.....needless to say I was utterly surprised.

The Captain in The Avengers and the Captain in The First Avenger were...almost completely different. The one in the Twentieth century was compassionate, well-rounded, kind, intelligent...  He knew when to follow orders and he followed well - but he didn't compromise. His principles came first. The Twenty-first Century version was....flat. Mostly. I mean, he was....he was a soldier. Followed orders. Was stuck inside his own head.

The film seemed to take Tony's side more and....yeah, my opinion of him has been stated...

So I liked Steve Rogers when I saw the good man. Not just the soldier - the man.

3.) Do you tend to agree with Steve's thinking/logic?

Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, and yes.

He's polite, loyal, kind, firm, knows what he believes, stands up for himself, protects others....  He thinks things through - doesn't just go along because that's what the majority or his authority says. He is his own person and he takes responsibility for that. Mostly.

That being said, while I agree with his thinking, his morals, his convictions....  He and I would probably go about them very differently. I'm more like Natasha in 'avoid direct confrontation unless you KNOW you can win' and he's....not. But if it came down between losing while standing up for my principles and abandoning my principles? I think and hope that I'd choose losing.

Other examples of his thinking are shown in his loyalty to his friends and his ability to lead - to both protect those around him while putting the mission first. He is able to separate himself from his emotions when he has to. WHEN he has to.... Likewise.

Not to mention! His logic and thinking is from an older time. A time I very much...try to emulate.

With mixed results, of course...

But! The familial bonds, the knowledge, the appreciation, the honour, the respect, the elegance...

Or at least what we picture as what was there - the postcard life....

4.) What is one thing about Steve that drives you insane?

......Sharon Carter or Peggy.

*grins*

But that's personal preference and an abiding desire for friendship to grow first.

But especially Sharon.

On to a more serious addressal!!

What is something that drives me insane.... Hmm....

Honestly: his straighforward approach. Oh, it's refreshing and honest, certainly. However.....

GOOD BLESSED LORD HELP THAT MAN TO LEARN WHEN TO STAY. DOWN.

*sighs*

(As long as Sharon counts - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING MARVEL??  HYDRA? REALLY??)

But Steve always goes at things straight on. You know what he's thinking. You know what he believes. You know what he will do. And he does it. He's predictable. Oh, not down to ever little bit....

But there was a reason Fury didn't tell him about the surveillance or the Phase 2 or the helicarriers and it wasn't because they were strange to a man from the Forties.

Steve isn't unintelligent. FAR from it. He's got a photographic memory at least, and he caught onto military tactics very quickly. (DISCLAIMER: Never had the opportunity to read the comics so..... Fanfiction, wiki articles, and MCU are my sources.... Mostly the latter.) It took him about forty-five seconds or less to figure out something was wrong where he was being held, and he assimilated the Times Square. (Why were they holding him in the middle of New York??)

So while a lot of fanfiction shows Steve as being clueless when it comes to modern technology... I don't think that's entirely accurate. Obviously, he'd be thrown off a bit - who wouldn't be! - but he'd adapt and catch up. At the least because he has to.

So the helicarriers and Phase 2 weren't kept from him because he was ignorant but because he wouldn't agree with them.

And, miraculously, he's been able to get back up every time he runs headlong at a problem.

....but he almost didn't get back up after Tony in the end of Civil War.

Actually. No.

You know what? I LIKE that about Steve. I like his determination. His...sheer stubborness. Does it get him in trouble.

Of course! Does he learn? No! Because. he's doing. the right. thing. He's not compromising. So no - that's probably my FAVOURITE part.

You know what I hate about Steve?

That for whatever reason they've HAD to have a kiss in each of his movies. Peggy? Fine. Alright.

Nat? Ooookay.....  It was all for show. Or at least it ended up being so....

Sharon?? I don't think so!!

You see - I know her as Agent 13.

I know her of the girl that saved the bravest person in the MCU.

And they ruined her. In all honesty, they ruined her....

So what I hate about Steve - what drives me insane - is that the writers for whatever reason feel the need to pair him with ANYONE. And then they keep pulling in good characters to fill that 'hole' and ruining them and just....STOP. It's NOT necessary. Trust me. For goodness sakes, please....

Just... Leave him alone. Leave him as the innocent boy that won't talk to women let alone randomly kiss him.

Come on.

Small mercies at least? FADE TO BLACK AND LEAVE IT TO FANFICTION WRITER'S EXPLICIT IMAGINATIONS TRUST ME THEY HAVE THEM YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THE WORK FOR THEM!!!

5.) What is your favorite Steve scene?

When he gets the flag, or when he and Bucky beat up Tony. I mean, I know, they're losing in the film but.... THEY TEAM UP SO WELL I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!

I loved that flag scene.

and you know, that sort of just ruins the one thing that bothers me about Steve that isn't romance. Because when he WANTS to, he won't go at things straight. He can be and has been as devious as any of the other spies. He just....chooses not to.

That's another thing about him: he CHOOSES to do things. It's not because he has to. It's not because he's inclined to do that. He could easily do something else.

He chooses to.

6.) What is something about Steve that you really admire?

His honesty, integrity, and honour. His manners. His safety.

First? I could spend time with him safely. I wouldn't have to worry about ulterior motives. I wouldn't have to worry that I'm being taken the wrong way, it's just friendship. I would be safe.

I would also be safe from anyone else. Because I'm sorry, the new canon of Steve (AKA comics.....) might stand back when someone is attacked but...  Nope. This Steve...I can't see him doing that. I would be safe from others - someone to back me up that wouldn't be coerced or shamed or ignored into backing down. I would be safe. Others would be safe. He's not going to take advantage of you. He is...good.

He is honourable. his yes is yes and his no is no and.... He understands unavoidable situations, but he gives all he can to accomplish something. He does his best.

And he doesn't compromise!!  He's stubborn and he tries not to falter. He keeps going. He gets up and he keeps going....

He's human.

Above all else, he's human.

He hurts, and mourns, and gets frustrated, and teases, and is amused, and angry, and tired, and excited, and....

He's human. He's realistic. Yeah, he's a superhero but....he's not...impossible. He's not so far out of reach one can never aspire to him.

7.) Do you think you would like Steve in real life?

Weeelllll.....

I've got a feeling that he would fall into the category of 'annoyingly optimistic'.

Oh, I would LOVE to talk about history. About his life. About his principles and beliefs. I would love to spend time with him, We have an awful lot in common and it would be incredible fun.

However.... He is incredibly perceptive. And....any interaction would probably end up going down a road where someone gives advice and I can't bring myself to follow it. Any interaction would end up trying to drag the other down.

So, I would like him - but he wouldn't like me so...  Moot question.

8.) What do you think of Steve's motorcycle, and would you want a ride on it?

...motorcycles scare me. I would ride with him on it once just to say that I did but.....

No.

Those things are dangerous and can so easily go wrong.

9.) What was an iconic "STEVE FREAKIN' ROGERS" moment for you?

...I have NO idea.

First? That question makes no sense!!!!!!!!!!

I just.... Can't figure it out. Sooo...

I don't really know - I can't decide. I love the 'Captain's Orders' scene and the speech before it. I love  his reaction to Project Insight. I love his return with the 107th. I just....  It's Steve.

10.) If Steve asked you on a date, would you accept?

....I hate you.

Alright. If Steve asked me out on a date I would be inclined to accept regardless of whether I knew him as I do now, or if he was just a stranger I met.

Why? Well, if I know him as I do now, then I have the history with him. I know his character - would trust him. He wouldn't hurt me. And if he was a stranger, he's not really the type of person to 'date'. He would 'court'. He would get to know the girl first - be a friend before he did anything else. So then I'd grow to trust him.

But.......

....as much as a man like Steve would be a treasure and something I could accept? I would be much more likely to turn him - or any - man down because I don't want to burden them. I am a mess and I don't want to elevate them unecessarily, and I don't want to burden them. Me starting a family would just be.... No, a terrible idea.

So if STEVE asked me for a date I'd say yes. If Steve asked ME for a date I'd say no.

I still hate you.