Civil War Day Five - Free Day!

....I'll just....

I'm just going to be over here incoherently screaming....

Free day? Free day?? What am I supposed to do with that?? I don't know!!

Well.

*grins*

I'm not going to talk about Civil War. Basically at all.

Alright, yeah, fine, I could.

But I'm not.

Why?

I'VE COVERED JUST ABOUT EVERY SIDE TRACK I CAN WITHOUT REWATCHING THE FILM.

And I still have two more days to talk....

Anyway! So to avoid getting stuck and taking months to post this one, I'm going to not write about the blog party.

Yes. I'm aware this is cheating. Sorry? *hides*

I am in the mood to write. Not...not a few short stories or cowriting or....plans. I want to actually finish something.

The catch being that I've never finished more than oneshots.... Well, and the chapter story but that was summarising backstory already given and then it was just rewriting episodes and generally doesn't count in the slightest. So I've not seriously finished anything. Which is depressing and discouraging.

VERY discouraging.

But I don't have school this year. Nor a job, obviously.

So what better time to immerse myself in a book than now?

(...now watch as I have literally no time to write this next month...)

or writing....

I also really, really want to make a navy blue dress for Christmas. Purple would be better but-! Working with what I have, da?

And writing.

I have no purpose...

I mean, I have no...end goal. (Everyone just shut up, alright? I talk through things. This gives me the illusion of talking to anyone that listens; but unfortunately I am aware that a few people DO read this and so just...Zatknis.) I am simply wandering around pointlessly. I have some hobbies like writing or researching or sewing or crocheting or knitting but....In the end?

In the end I get bored. I get distracted. I get discouraged. I compare myself to the countless quantity of people so much better at me in everything...

Yes, yes - there are less talented people too.... But why would I compare myself to them? There are better people and so they must be my standard. As I am so far from any of their level, then....

Anyway.

But I can't NOT compare myself! What would I aspire to then??

it doesn't work!!  *Groans*

I think I don't care enough. I think I am....so twisted and weak inside that I don't care enough. I want it - that much is true - but I don't want it enough. When it comes down to actually working for something I....don't. I feel as if I - not, not even that I can't I just...don't. I am too weak.

I want the easy way out. I want someone else to do it for me. I don't want to figure it out for myself. I don't want to take all of the responsibility. I blame everyone else.

I want to give up but I still want to get somewhere. I want the...end without the effort.

And that's not right. That's not fair.

So what do I do? How do I overcome myself - my habit of forever taking the easiest way out of things, of forever protecting myself from consequences.

I say it is to protect myself. I say it is for my safety. To an extent, it still is. But not forever. Never forever.

I want to do the work. I want to earn the reward. I want to take full responsibility. I want to mature. And yet.... There aren't directions for this sort of thing. There aren't instructions for the soul....not in this...

I want to stop running. I want to do as I should. I want to work hard. I want to serve. I want to stop lying - to stop....

I want to stop. That is what I want. I want to stop and in stopping heal.

And that's another thing. Healing. I am terrified to heal. To heal means that I was hurt. To heal means that someone else is wrong.

They can't be wrong. I have to be wrong. And if I have to heal then it means - in this instance - that they were wrong. And healing means something has to change. Healing means....

Am I defeating myself here too? Sabotaging myself - destroying myself? Is this another area where I won't try?

What is so wrong with me that....that I am defeating myself? What is wrong with me that I don't want to get better, that I don't want to change, that I don't want to heal? What is wrong with me? Why can't I do what is necessary?

I wish someone would take the choice from me - would take the responsibility and duty from me.

But that is a vain hope, ja? That's not going to happen.

Life's not that easy.

Happy endings....

I don't believe in them. I don't hope for them.

I mean, I do sometimes but...I think they actually frighten me. What would I fight for then? Myself? I destroy myself...

No.

But I am so lazy. So stupid as to not adjust my course - to fix my flaws. I am so lazy... I want to work hard. But I don't want it enough.

And almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Civil War Day Four - An Opposing Character this Time?

....so I realise now that I COULD HAVE DONE TONY'S TAG TODAY!

But no. I didn't really read ahead so... That didn't happen.

But hey! I get to talk about someone else.

*drops head on desk* *sighs*

By the way - this? This is why I dropped out when Bella first held this thing: I have a bad habit of disappearing for long periods of time......

But matters of importance first.

I watched another wonderful film with Vincent Price in it! Oh, the film was wonderful on its own merits and unbelievable and so very fictional and have I ever mentioned that the general...miracles and superatural and just NO.

.....but I'm terrified of monsters in the dark. *groans*

I give up! I give up.

Besides, logically, I can't deny it. I know that. So why do I still bother??

And it was very quotable. And amusing. And sad. And joyful. And....

It's odd to watch these films. Usually when I watch films based on real life I know the story behind it. Or the story is predictable enough that I can guess what would happen. But with Song of Bernadette and Reluctant Saint I....can't. They're utterly new! Completely....unknown! i have no idea what's going on! It's...

It's weird.

The movie was....wonderful. I want to watch it again. But not right now.... Not so soon. Couldn't.

But I have a new movie to find for my collection!!

It's....it's something to aspire to. something possible - something relateable. It's....

I don't know. I don't know.

I loved the film, thank you.

Alright! So. The tag.

...that again, I could have just used Tony for.....

Well, no one ever said I was genius. *shrugs*

And that gif is REALLY annoying me - that is just...how does she do that?? Anyway.

Also. For the person that says these posts are good.

HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Irrelevant. Back to the tag. That for whatever reason I can't focus on...

I have the sudden urge to go rambling on about the dress i'm drafting and making SHUT UP AND WRITE THIS BLOODY POST!!

*grins*

Natasha Romanov. The Black Widow. I honestly have no idea if I'm even spelling her name right or ifI'm using too much Russian again....

I can't stand the majority of Tony's team. Sorry.

Let's start with whatever his name is, Black Panther. T'challa. That guy.

Yeah, alright, I fully admit that first his character wasn't fleshed out at ALL in the film which always prejudices me against a character; and I admit that his very blind pursuit of Bucky also...knocks him very far down the totem pole.

(I'm supposed to be defending a character, aren't I? Sorry... I AM GOING TO DEFEND ONE!! I'm just going to try to tear everyone else apart...  *Smiles*)

I look forward to watching his film - I want to see if they can redeem him in my opinion.

But he is a prince, a king in his father's death. Wouldn't he know better than to jump into a vendetta without proof?? As a king especially - I have no idea how Wakanda's government works, but death is serious. I get the impression that he wouldn't just be handing out death sentences willy nilly. So why then with Bucky?

He's emotionally unstable in the death of his father, surely as a ruler he knows politics and how scapegoats are so easily framed?

I just....come on. Revenge? That's it? And then you suddenly change at the end because you learn the truth? Maybe you could have spent some time looking for the truth in the beginning or something and avoided the mess....

Innocent until proven guilty, anyone?

...also, black panther? All I can think of is Asten Roel.

He's a character in Emperor's New Clothes book that is a shapeshifter and lives largely as a black panther and he's really fun and good and smart and I accidentally killed him before I created him.

Downsides of creating the main character first.....

Asten was invented based on this cat we had that was....a shapeshifter, seriously. He was hilarious and so nice and fun and.... anyway, he disappeared so I created Asten.

I need to finish that book....

......I love Vision. I truly do.

GIVE. ME. BACK. JARVIS.

NOW.

Yeah, that's basically my only complaint with him. The fact that he sides with Tony is irrelevant - he is Jarvis. Of COURSE he would.

But can we just....get rid of Friday? Forever? Please?

Jarvis. Back. Now.

.....although. I'll take D'Arcy's Jarvis back. *Grins* Come on!! He was fun!!

Actually, can we have the whole Agent Carter series back?? Marvel ruined Agents of SHIELD - Carter at least hadn't gotten so bad....

(I admit I need to finish that second series though...  *sighs*)

But Jarvis! Not Vision!

We can keep Vision if I get the original Jarvis back.

Me unreasonable? Nooooo.....

Now. Who's next....

...Rhodes.

Oh boy.

Honestly, I don't even really know him.... I thik he has the worst job to deal with Tony, but he does honestly care about Tony. They fight all of the time on eithics and business and government and weapons and fame and...everything else seemingly, but Rhodes....

Rhodes is a good man. Messed up, broken, made some massive mistakes at times....

But a good man. He tried. He has his principles - or as far as I remember he does. I don't think he ever legitimately chooses his job or someone else over Tony - that is the best thing about him. Other than the fact that I think Tony largely just uses him for a long time and Rhodes should have left that friendship....

But Rhodes cares about what happens to Tony - he is a good friend.

AND GOOD GRIEF THEY NEARLY KILLED HIM!!!!!!

.....I actually almost did join Tony's side just because NO. KILLING. RHODES!! I'm not sure why I stayed on Steve's side. Reason? Belief?

Oh, I would have been furious if Rhodes had actually died.

But Rhodes...is a good man. A good friend. he puts up with SO much...

Let's see.....

Yeah.

No.

Never.

Sorry, he has NO redeeming qualities and that's not quite true. These last two versions of him were.....not so cringe worthy but....

*groans* Nope!!

Let's just leave it there. I have no intention of rewatchign any of the films to critique them.

....and this right here is where I lost any and all like I had gained for the character that he had gotten.

JUST....WHY??????????????????????? *chokes* *groans*

...is anyone surprised that I saved her for last?

Nah, she's actually the whole point of this post. The others just....somehow grew longer than I expected.

But Natasha. I was....honestly surprised she went to Tony's team. She of all people would be the last one I would expect to agree to more governmental control.

Red Room.

Hydra.

Ring any bells?

"You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers."

The difference between just about every. single. character. and Tony is that Tony is just about the only one that...doesn't make considered decisions.

T'Challa - a prince. I can promise you that he was taught to weigh his decisions well. He is responsible.

Rhodes - an officer that had to deal with Tony. If anything he learnt to manage decisions to keep working with Tony and avoid getting both of them fired or something.

Vision - he's a computer. He doesn't really have a choice.

Wanda - she's young, but she grew up with only her brother and she at least tries to think ahead to consequences; and she has no problem accepting consequences either.

Clint - he's a father and an agent. *grins* He's snarky and fun sure, but balancing domestic and secret life that well? Not to mention simply keeping his family secret? He understand decisions - has demonstrated it often.

Bucky - took care of Steve, was then a supersoldier assassin for seventy years - he learned decisions somewhere. And he well understands consequences.

(....I've never seen the Ant-man movie so I honestly can't comment on him...)

Wilson - experimental soldier, made decisions in Winter Soldier with full understanding of what the repercussions for him could be.

Steve - he's impulsive yeah, but even when he does just jump into something he is also willing to accept the consequences for his own actions. He minds his own business.

.....annnnd....then there's Tony.

*sighs*

Tony, darling, broken mess of a man, THINK. THINGS. THROUGH.

STOP JUST REACTING!!  *groans*

Everything isn't your fault, you had to know that you couldn't save everyone...

"Something I learned that night, Jason.You can't save them all. Sometimes, you have to pick one. I picked you. Otherwise all three of us would have died that night and you know it...Focus on the ones you can save."

.....also known as the reason #Endless that Tony is the same as Tony but Tony is better than Tony.

Granted. Stark is a technical genius and Dinozzo isn't obviously but.... come on. They have the SAME personality basically. The difference is that Dinozzo grows up. He takes responsibility. Stark? Hasn't yet. Not really.

*Sighs* Oh Tony I know exactly why I hate you so very much....

anyway. Nat.

The amazing thing is that I ever keep track of a point in these things.....

Yeah, yeah - shut up.

But why would she have signed her freedoms away again? Always a slave? Always a pawn? She got away from the Red Room. She got away from Hydra/SHIELD. And now she signs away her freedoms again?

She of all people would understand collateral damage.

Yes, yes - the Avengers DO need some accountability. Everyone does. But not to the government. Not consolidated like that.

She's seen regimes rise and fall - she's HELPED them rise and fall. She would rather not be accountable that publically.

It just....doesn't make sense.

But.....

She's a spy. She plays sides against each other. It's her job. It's her. She can't just...shut that off.

What if she joined Tony so she could help Steve when he needed it? So she could help that team when they needed it? Basically every time she's in a movie she's playing a double agent at some major point. Except this one?

What if her entire role in Civil War IS a double game?

This theory isn't mine - it was somewhere online but now I can't find the original....

And I'm sure there are reasons disproving this but-! It makes so much more sense.

Now I want to rewatch the film to see if it completely fits.

No one expected her to be on Tony's side. it wasn't logical - it wasn't predictable. She is the...changeable one. She's the one that can't be pinned down. she's the spy that's above and beyond everyone - and movies aren't books. We aren't given character's thoughts.

And thus the beauty of headcanons: LITERALLY EVERY GOOD CHARACTER IS ON STEVE'S SIDE THEN!!!!  *Grins*

But now I really do want to rewatch the movie. Seriously - this is such a cool theory I want to see if it fits even more....

*grins* So there's that! Another day done too! Voila!

...I'm leaving now.....

Civil War Remix - Tag! Again. Because I wanted to see if I could... And I feel terrible....

Alright. So I know I chose Steve's side. No, I'm not changing.

However. The party is technically done. So I'm...twisting some things.

That, and I realise that if something just...If Steve and Bucky didn't have that whatever it is that makes them preferable to Tony, I'd be on Tony's side.

And because in all honesty I don't know why I bother choosing 'favourite' characters. I always end up changing my mind and...

Sorry. It's annoying. It annoys me.

By the way. If you want me to change my mind about something - tell me to write a blog post. Apparently that works....

1. What is your favorite Iron Man movie?

Iron Man 3. I've never quite figure out WHAT annoys me about Tony but...it wasn't there.  I enjoyed the part where it was Tony that did the work - not the suit, Tony. And Tony's intelligence was showcasted basically and..  *Grins* I love his genius!!  And he just...makes up these things and takes down the security and...

I loved it.

2. When did you decide you loved Iron Man?

Oh boy.....

Welcome to the mess that is my head.

When did I love Tony? In the first five minutes of the first movie.

He's sarcastic, genius, dark....  The perfect character. Yeah, he was a playboy as he himself says but...I've liked worse characters and...that wasn't it. I've never really been figure out EXACTLY what bothers me about him. Over familiarity? Experience? The realisation that so much of the plot in the first and second films could have probably been solved if he just THOUGHT for a moment. (oh. Look. What does he do in Civil War again....  *sighs*)

But....

Oh, I always liked Iron Man. He just....didn't fit perfect. *grins* He's endlessly fun though and I really wish I could sit through the first two movies more often. I always forget how much utter fun I have when I can ignore the little pointless things.

3. Do you tend to agree with Iron Man's thinking/logic?

Absolutely.

Way too much.

Steve is...good. I'm very much not. I keep repeating the same bloody mistakes - stuck in the same rut. I paint a mask to wear to be perfect. I don't apologise. I give gifts because words are liars. I don't think I can be loved. I ruin the good things. I feel more comfortable with my creations than the real world. I love to destroy things. I love to play the manipulation game. I can both blame everyone and blame myself. I blame myself for too much.

Do I agree with Tony's thinking and logic?

Oh yes.

Maybe that's why...why something bothers me: there's nothing to change.

Of course - I'm not that smart. I'm not a genius. I'm not the centre of all attention. I'm ignorable. I'm hopefully not as abrasive but.....

I could be. I could so easily be.

And most people don't like that. Better to admire Steve than to emphathise with Tony.

4.) What is one thing about Tony that drives you insane?

....ego? Pride? The mask he wears that says he's alright while never letting anyone in? The bandages he applies that hide the wounds that never heal? The way he draws all of the attention to one area in his life to hide the fact that he's miserable at all the rest?

*sighs*

He's over-dramatic. He takes the blame. He depends on himself.

What drives me insane?

Is that I fully understand him. It makes sense.

5.) Do you think you'd like Tony In real life?

Yes! I think it would be an utter disaster - he's too messed up to be a good acquaintance and I'm not well-balanced enough to deal with that.

However.

He loves to talk. I love to learn. I've a feeling we'd get along swimmingly, dangerously. Someone to test my theories - to try my ideas.....

Oh yeah, I think I'd like him.

He'd be a good distraction too. On the days when I didn't want to feel. When I didn't want to be me....

I wouldn't be the smart person.

Oh, he'd be harsh and cruel and as I said I think that would be a bad acquaintanceship but....

And Tony would be a TERRIBLE influence on me.

6.) Do you think you'd get along with Pepper Pots? What about Rhodey?

Rhodey - yes. Pepper.....no. Pepper is....she is that sort of person that...talks another language? Doesn't always hear what's really being said? Oh, she does. She's smart. But...there's something about her....

Rhodey would speak his mind. He's not going to tiptoe around something. He might not always go about it the best way but... I wouldn't be left wondering what's the truth.

7.) Would you like to live in Stark Tower?

If I can have a room/computer to myself? Absolutely. As long as I could be alone. Very alone. Leave me alone...

Not to mention!!  I could learn everything then! People would teach me!!

I mean, I try not to take advantage but... Sometimes it's allowed.

8.) Would you want to try out/own any of Iron Man's robots or fancy little gadgets?

....not really. I mean, they're interesting but.... I want to learn how to MAKE them!!

9.) What is your favorite Iron Man quote?

And those quotes sum up Tony. The child-like wonder and curiosity that never really died, the mask that can't be broken - that can take any abuse and keep going; and the determination that....feeds him. The drive for perfection that he knows he can never truly reach - he'll always be...second-best. 'Avenging' rather than 'defending'.

10.) If Tony as he is now volunteered to take you to dinner and a movie, would you accept his invitation? Not a date, just a night out cause he knows you are soooooo stressed.

Absolutely.

And I'm bringing my letter-opener and if he tries anything I'm stabbing him with it.

Oddly enough, I'd trust him.

Mostly because if it had gotten to the point where he'd ask me and I'd accept, I'd have learnt how to avoid it. Or he had learnt timing but....

No. I'd love to go out.

And try to stab him if he tried anything. (Like I said - he'd be a bad influence on me....)

It's too easy to sympathise and understand Tony. It's too easy to know him.

He's too familiar. WAY too familiar....

By the way: do you know what my favourite Tony Stark scene is? The ending fight scene of Civil War. Really. IT WAS JUST SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING AND SAD AND DESPERATE AND PERSONAL AND-!!!!!

Civil War Day Three: Pick a Supporting Character

....Okay.

So it's sort of funny because I sat here for about five minutes trying to decide who to do it on because other than Steve the rest of the characters sort of...fade.

And then I realised that there was Bucky.

So I'm going to do Bucky! And probably Clint too!

Anyone surprised???

On a side note - sort of - I REALLY need to rewatch this film.

The thing is that I'm probably not being fair. Given I've only seen it once, I'm going on first impressions and prejudices and....  Well, I'll still want to hit Tony over the head repeatedly but...  I would at least be able to make a case for him.

(I can make a case for him now but...)

And on that note - why was this necessary? For what reason did we have to do this? Why not make THIS the Avengers movie and give Steve a movie ALL. BY. HIM. SELF? And Bucky. Hmm? Instead, Steve has less screen time and less....point; and I have to put up with Tony.

And they had done so well with him in the third film!!  I LIKED him! *sighs*

Why??

Alright.....

yeah. No idea. Most of these are just rants that get out of control.

Yes, yes...  i'm aware this is all sort of cliched....

BE QUIET I'M RANTING AND HAVING FUN AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR ME (the second part of that at least...) SO THERE I'M HAVING FUN!

*sighs*

I'm trying to shut the voices up....

Pray, right? Pray...

(Yes. These posts tend to devolve into streams of consciousness....  In my defense once I start thinking and planning them they turn into the Vampire set and stretch on forever...)

Anyway! Point. Bucky.

Honestly, I've got a feeling I liked him first because of MY writing. His (Stan's) likeness has turned up a few times in stories so far, and I think that might have turned my head first. Then I got to rewatch The First Avenger and I liked the interaction between Bucky and Steve. Older and Younger brothers. Family. Almost. Enough.

Where Steve is good and pure and all sorts of heroic, Bucky....isn't. He's a ladies man, about to go off to war, doesn't really want to go, doesn't want to put himself back into danger when he's rescued, and then he falls.

He is...really, he's a background character. He's barely there. He rescues Steve in the alley, says goodbye to him at the science fair, is rescued from Hydra, is in the bar with Steve, and goes on the train mission. That's...about it.

So tell me about this man. Tell me about this boy that helped raise and protect Steve Rogers. Tell me about this boy that wants attention, but gets over himself when the one he gives his attention to doesn't need it anymore. Tell me about this man that does what is right. Tell me about this man that had to be the anchor for Steve - had to remind him that he was human and breakable and....

Tell me about Bucky. Tell me about the brother that left, the friend that came back, the soldier who fell, and the monster that returned. Tell me about his life. Tell me what we didn't see. Tell me what went on inside his head. Tell me about the ups and downs, the women he's met, the assassins he's trained and covered. Tell me about the quirks that never were fully erased from the Asset. Tell me about the other times his programming failed while he was in the field. Tell me how they programmed him. Tell me what he thought about before Bucky died - before the Soldier came into being.

Don't tell me about the comics. Don't tell me about right and wrong. Don't tell me about Steve. Don't tell me about Tony.

Tell me about Bucky. Tell me his story.

He intrigues me.

So Tony? Step back. I don't care about the accords. I want the team together. I want Steve and Bucky together. I want to watch the leader and the sniper again. I want them to plan missions and snark at each other and make fun of each other and make fun of Tony and....

I like stories. Full, complex stories. I want to see all of the pictures.

Part of the reason Person of Interest was stunningly brilliant: because it played like an incredibly long movie, and we got to know all of the players. And when they drag ALL of the rest of the characters in there with the two I'm interested in???

Good grief. Go make a Hawkeye and Black Widow movie. Together. Separate.

No one would really care, I promise.  Just...go. Leave my Cap movies alone. They're the only ones I really like and trust me I'm NOT watching them for Tony or the Widow or Clint. (...maybe for Clint but.....)

So tell me about Bucky.

Or I'm going to go write his story. And that's probably not good for him. (although...then I could get rid of the girls.....)

Oh, Darling....

Steve and Bucky might be my favourite characters that come first to mind but.... I didn't ever want to watch the superhero films. I watched them for Hawkeye.

.....archery, snark, and no superpowers???  How amazing is that?? I LOVED him in Thor (he was hilarious!!  Yes, I watched that movie for him and Coulson - so shoot me....) and....he was underwhelming in Avengers. I prefer him in the comics.

Funnily enough, he and Deadpool are the only Marvel characters I've read comics for. I preferred Hawkeye's, but his depend a lot on which comic...  Not thtat I've read a lot either - only enough to at least be aware of his character. (Deadpool I read because he and Hawkeye together were.....something else...)

I love sarcastic characters, I really do. I love archery. I love normal people that don't have the advantage.

AND!!!  I love characters that have no subtext!!!

*grins* That he has a FAMILY???????

I don't CARE if it's not comical, that is...  C'est parfait. J'aimer.

And he doesn't have superpowers. NO superpowers. He trained. He practiced. He's a perfectly normal human. Even Nat technically is a supersoldier.... Or was.

You know what else I love? Snipers.

(I honestly didn't plan this, by the way..... I'd forgotten about this.)

I'm not sure why. Maybe because they're support? Background characters? Doing something that is....not entirely honourable, arguably? Killing anyone? I always liked them.

THAT TWO OF MY FAVOURITE SARCASTIC CHARACTERS ARE SNIPERS IS BEYOND PRICELESS!!

Good grief - can we just have a movie with these two? Please? Drop Tony and Steve off somewhere to argue, and let these two hang out. Clint was mind controlled, he'd understand that. They're both really, really sarcastic and impulsive.

Come on - it would be so much fun!!

*sighs* Can we have a good superhero movie??

Not to mention.

Imagine. the. pranks.

Actually, can we just have more of Clint??  I'd rewatch Civil War and just watch Clint at which point it would probably be all of five minutes long.....

And they'd get their two best friends involved and....  *grins* That is a movie I'd pay money to go see and I wouldn't even complain.

Also.

Can we just fix this??   Please?

And yes. I'm bending the rules. Technically the party is long since over so.... And he WOULD be on the Captain's team.

.....try plausibly convincing me otherwise.

But I want snarky, eternally competent, so underrated, so ignorable Coulson back!!! *sighs*

No. He's getting ruined by Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..... Figures.

Every now and then he'll have a good episode! But... On the whole...

it's just adorable....

I like Steve. I like Bucky. I like Clint. I like Nat. I like Sam. I like Tony. I like Pepper. I like Rhodey. I like Jarvis.

I like an awful lot of characters. For every 'best' character I find I can probably find at least two people better.

So if I could only choose ONE person? One character to admire and know?

Paul of Tarus.

Because while Jesus is good he is....God. He's perfect and....I could never relate to that. He's...above - exalted.

Paul was human and flawed and.... I'd rather read his stories and letters than any other character.

(....now i feel terrible because I honestly would prefer him over Jesus just on that level of....practibility. As a person. Because jesus is...distant.)

*groans and drops head on desk*