"That's What All Children Think..."

Tili Tili Bom

2003

“Did you think the blankets would protect you from me?” He slowly stepped into the room, watching the mound on the bed shake. “That is what all children think, ja?”

He crossed the room until he stood at the foot of the bed, until he was standing over the curled form – until all he had to do was reach out a hand to touch it.

“Go 'way!”

“Not alone...”

“Don't want you!”

The mound curled smaller and he smiled. “You love me, darling.”

“Nyet!”

“Darling...” He leaned against the board at the foot of the bed, slowly tugging the coverlet down.

“Nein, nein, nein, nein-” The covers fell back from the girl's hands and she scrambled to stand up on the bed, crossing her arms; pouting at him.

He chuckled, dropping the duvet and straightening. “There you are, Stasya.”

“Go 'way.”

“Nein – I can't go alone.”

“But I don't want to go with you, Uncle Villain! I want to stay here!”

“But this is my bed, Stenka – I sleep here.”

“You can have my bed, papa.” She offered generously.

“I could not take your bed.” He shook his head seriously, amusement filling his eyes. “Then it would not be 'just right' for you, ja?”

“It will be!” She bounced on the bed slightly as she assured him. “Bitte, Papa?”

He sighed. “I would not fit...”

She gasped. “How? Everyone fits in beds! You're not that big!” She giggled.

“Thank you so much....” He crossed to the side of the bed, patting the space beside him.

She dropped into a seat beside him, twisting away and pushing her hair back over her shoulders so he could reach it. “Dolly says you're being 'arcastis when you say that.”

“Does he?” He ran his fingers through her hair, separating the tangles gently.

“He says you say things you don't mean – why do you do that?”

“Then you do not believe I am always honest, ja?”

She shook her head with a grin. “You're a bad guy, Uncle Villain – you can't always not tell lies.”

“I am wounded, liebchen.” He separated her hair into two parts and began plaiting it into two long braids. “I try to say what I mean – but it is easy to say the truth so others do not hear what you mean.”

“Truth doesn't work that way.”

“Really?”

She nodded emphatically, nearly pulling the strands of hair from his hands. “Papa said that saying anything other than what is true is wrong and is a lie and you mustn't do it.”

“Your father was a good man.”

“...ja.” She leaned back against him, smiling again. “But you are too, Uncle Villain!”

He lightly tugged one braid as he finished and tied it off. “Then I am not a bad guy?”

“You are. But you're good too.”

“Really?”

She nodded again. And then smiled sweetly. “May I sleep here?”

“You have your own bed, Styushenka.”

“...I don't want to.”

“Is life fair?”

She pouted, crossing her arms. “....nyet.”

“Then that is it, ja?”

She sighed, nodding slowly.

He finished the second braid quickly and tied it off. “Finished-”

She spun around and flung her arms around his neck. “Bitte, bitte, bitte, polusta, let me sleep here. Bitte, Uncle Villain. I want to sleep with you. I don't want to sleep alone.” She brightened. “And you can sing to me, Papa! Bitte? Bitte? Bitte? Polusta?”

He chuckled at her massacred pronunciation of the Russian word for 'please'. “'Pozhalyustya'.” He tried to loosen her hold on him, but she clasped her arms together. “One night?”

She nodded. “Danke schonn, papa!” Releasing him, she scrambled up to the top of the bed. “Sing, bitte?”

He smiled slightly, standing. “Tili Tili bom, Zakroy glaza skoree,” He pulled the coverlet up and straightened it out over the bed.

“Kto-to hodit za oknom I stuchitsya v dveri.” He knocked on the headboard softly, and she shivered.

“Tili Tili bom, krichit nochnaya ptitsa,” He tucked the blanket in tightly around her, tucking it beneath the mattress so it wouldn't pull out overnight. “On ezhe probralsya v dom k tem, komu ne spitsya.”

Her eyes were squeezed tightly closed, but she was grinning while he softly sang.

“On idet,” He brushed the hair back from her face. “On uzhe,” He softly kissed her forehead. “Blisko.”

He poked her in the side and she jumped.

“Tili Tili bom, Ty slyishish, kto-to ryadom?” He stood, crossing around the end of the bed. “Pritailsya za uglom I pronzaet vzglyadom.” He slipped off his house-shoes, sliding them beneath the bed as he sat on the empty side of the bed.

“Tili Tili bom, vse skroet noch nemaya,” He stood and tucked in the blankets on his own side of the bed. “Za toboy kradetsya on I vot-vot poymaet.” He slid beneath the covers himself now, pulling them tight around him while the little girl slid back to his arms.

“On idet,” He brushed her hair back from her face. “On uzhe,” He softly kissed her forehead. “Blisko.”

He turned off the light.

Made by Angelique

Alright. So. Explanation......

This is set in the Mafia Universe.

Originally, I was going to write this other story for it that actually was creepy but.....  A lot of things happened and basically every single idea I had was scrapped so....  I turned back to my old comfort and wrote a story in the Universe that was created literally as a dumping ground for any and all of my emotions. And also as a place for me to live emotions that I want....

So, in reading this, you have just about zero idea what's going on here......  The whole universe is set up in one!shots and short stories and tends to be written in a wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey sort of way..... Literally.

So here. It was a halfway happy story for once. Of sorts.

Willem - the man - is the man the universe centers on.

Stasya is his adopted....daughter. It's complicated and....

But....yeah. I love this Universe but have problems with its origins at the moment.....

 

Bayuski Bayu

c. 2003

She was clinging to him by morning – her arms wrapped around his neck and curled into the hollow of his chest. Even in her sleep, she held tightly; and dislodging her would have woken her up.

Willem was content to lay there, his arms wrapped protectively – comfortingly – around her.

She was a treasure – a gift he did not deserve but could not give up. She was a light that never failed to cheer him – a joy that always reached him. The loss of one man was his gain – and this was one thing that he felt was worth so much worth than the price paid.

He knew that was the reason he had her now. He adored her and protected her and taught her and provided for her. He would die for her.

He would have left her with Ezekiel – but he could not honestly say he would bring her birth father back if he had the opportunity. He wondered if she would agree with that....

She didn't always insist on sleeping with him. Often she had tired herself out so much by evening that she fell asleep in the arms of whomever she had conned into carrying her, and could simply be lain in bed. Other nights, she was so thrilled at getting tucked in that she didn't mind sleeping in her own room.

But she slept with 'Uncle Villain' on special occassions, and always the nights before he left; and the nights he came home. She smiled and waved to him when he left – but she clung to him in the night as if terrified he wouldn't come back this time.

He wondered if perhaps it was a mistake to have raised her knowing what he was – what he did. He had always been 'Uncle Villain' – always been the relative that came and visited but that couldn't be seen coming and going and that couldn't be talked about. He was the one her father pulled into her life against his wishes – the one that Ezekiel risked being companionable in return for....what? Savigin his life?

One didn't make a criminal a member of the family for that.

He never pretended his job was anything else. He did not give her all of the details, he tried to keep her separate from his business – but if she asked he answered. She knew there were bad guys and good guys in the world. Her father was a 'good guy', and he hunted 'bad guys' like Willem.

But somehow, living and knowing 'bad guys' never bothered her.

He appreciated that she would never have a black and white view of the world at least.

Willem sighed as a clock further in the house chimed the hour. He shifted to begin leaving the bed, but Stasya woke up almost instantly; tightening her hold on him.

“Nyet....”

“Darling....” He tugged gently on her arms.

She shook her head against his chest, subdued. “Nyet.”

He sighed again, and then shifted her so she was sitting in his lap while he leaned against the headboard. “I have to leave today, Stenka.”

“Don't wanna.”

“You don't have to-”

“Don't wanna.”

He closed his eyes, resting his chin atop her head, recognising the tears in the tone of her voice even if he couldn't ear any evidence of it. “Don't cry, darling...”

“Stay here, papa...”

“I will come back.”

“...what if you don't. I don't want to be alone.”

“Alone? Then your aunts and uncles are nothing, ja?”

“...I don't want to be without you.”

“Darling....They love you. They would take care of you – you would be safe.”

“They're not you. They're them. You're the best.”

He blinked, holding her a little tighter. “I am sorry – I have to.”

“...promise you'll come back?”

“I will try, liebchen.”

“...I'll wait for you.”

He smiled. “Of course, darling. You always do.”

She snuggled against him, releasing his neck as she curled in his arms. “Sing to me, papa?”

He opened his mouth to start, but she interrupted him.

“Your song this time.”

“My song?”

“Ja. The one Liya sings to you.”

“That is my song?”

She nodded slowly, still quiet; and he could feel tears soaking through his nightshirt. “My lullaby is creepy – yours is nice. You have monsters in your life already, you need a nice song.”

He knew she hadn't completely mastered Russian yet, but that she had learned enough that she wanted the words to the song rather than the melody.

“Spi, mladenets moy prekrasnyy, bayushki-bayu.” He rocked her gently, feeling her press impossibly closer. “Tikho smotrit mesyats yasnyy v kolybel' tvoyu.” He wished he could tell her he would be safe – wished he could promise to return. “Stanu skazyvat' ya skazki, pesenku spoyu.” But that would be a lie – there was too much that could go wrong. “Ty zh dremli, zakryvshi glazki,” He would not promise her something he could not guaruntee. He would not break his word to her. “Bayushki-bayu.”

“Bogatyr' ty budesh' s vidu i kazak dushoy.” She would grow up one day, stop needing protection – she would see the world as it was. That was the gift he could give her. “Provozhat' tebya ya vyydu — ty makhnesh' rukoy.” He was German by birth, Russian by choice. She was American by birth, and Russian by family. She would have all he could give her – but she would never work for or with him. “Skol'ko gor'kikh slez ukradkoy ya v tu noch' prol'yu!” Her father was a good man, and while he was not he would raise her the best he could. She worried for him, feared for him – he had spent a lifetime hiding his fears and worries, and he would do all he could to hide the worst of the danger from her. “Spi, moy angel, tikho, sladko.” Sleep, my angel, undisturbed..... The day would come and Isobel would distract her and she would be waiting for him as chipper as ever when he finished business – the fears of the night gone for a little while. “Bayushki-bayu.”

“Spi zh, poka zabot ne znaesh',” He looked down at the girl, asleep again in his arms. She was peaceful like this – sorrowless, still. He stood carefully, laying her down on the bed and covering her. “Bayushki-bayu.”

Made by Angelique  (Willem)

The Evening and the Morning were the Third Day

How long have you been writing?

I've been telling stories since birth. My sister and I would play these games where we would play several people each and...act out the story. But the worlds and storylines got so very, very complicated and I generally thought them up and remembered them. There were personalities and preferences and limitations and abilities for each character and.... She grew out of it and I never did.

I've been actually writing since I was nine - for the last nine years. I started off literally copying Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe although I didn't realise it was copying then, and then I started a Space Story. Which was rubbish but...

When I was about eleven, I began to write poetry. Was I good? Hardly. Nursery rhymes. Limericks. I won first place in a national contest against older kids when I was twelve - and that helped me keep writing.

About two years ago I started writing short stories in reality. I began posting - and writing - more fanfiction than just poetry, and that's when my prose writing took off.  I had written stories before but.....I don't know. I was always rewrite it seemed.

I've never stopped telling stories. I tell stories. Give me something and I will weave you a story of it.

Why do you write?

To live.

When I first started writing with my Space Story, I wrote because it was a dream about a person - it was literally from a dream. I wanted to remember it.

 Then I grew older. I wrote poetry to feel. I couldn't feel anything - or I felt too much - so I wrote. 

Then I wrote prose and I did the same thing I did in poetry. 

I write to reach others, to show them something, to explain myself. I write to try to reach out - to speak.

I twist phrases, paint a picture. I try to explain myself through another. I try to....live. To learn.

I write for the pleasure of others. If one other person enjoys a story, it is completely worth writing.

What are your favourite types of books to write?

....finished?

Good gracious.....

I like character based fantasy. The fantasy yes - I adore world building - but I focus on the people, the characters, the motivations, the....people.

I write about honour, about loyalty.

Why does this character do this? What motivates them? What do they care for? Who do they care for? Why? What choices would they make again? What do they regret?

I tend to write...grey books. Books where people obey bad rules for good reasons, break good rules for good reasons, do wrong by societies standards for a good end goal, do good by societies standards for bad reasons......

I try to use....thought. To point out that everyone has a motive, has a good goal. Most people believe in something for a reason - even the Joker liked Chaos. But everyone has a point of view, and not all point of views agree. Sometimes what we've been taught is wrong is actually right (praying in schools, for example; or sheltering Jews in the 1940s); and sometimes what we've been taught is right is so terribly, terribly wrong (anti-semitism in Europe....)

I don't like it when people don't think for themselves - when they don't allow others to think for themselves. I want people to learn to check facts, to decide for themselves. To not simply accept things 'because it is'.

How many books have you completed as of now?

Ha.

Ha. ha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

None. Let's put it that way.

Well, unless you count rewrites..... Then I've finished seven. The problem is that I overhauled all of them and they haven't been rewritten yet so.....

And there is the Mafia Universe that has enough words to be a novel at least once now, and probably more once I catch up with my planned stories. I would love to use that universe of stories. The characters and themes and messages are dear to my heart and....it is one of the few writings that I generally agree with the few that have read anything when they say it is wellwritten. Unfortunately, due to some technicalities in inspiration, I can't use a single word of it.....  *sighs* Figures.

Anyway, that one is sort of finished - but that one is also more of a collection of short stories. It's a story about a man's LIFE. Not just a part of it.

What are three things you Hate about writing?

 Um.....me, myself, and I.

I hate my overactive imagination, I hate my love for worldbuilding, and I hate the passion and time I pour into my writing.

I can always think up new story ideas - but I can never. seem. to finish. any.

I hate this.

Others finish books. Others finish stories. And I....can't.

And it's worse if I TELL anyone about that story because then it's doomed.....

What are three things you Love about writing?

WORLDBUILDING! CHARACTER STUDIES! TELLING STORIES!

.....yes. everything I hate about writing I love about writing - thus why I love them, and thus why I hate them.

It's a grand example of circular reasoning.....

I write fantasy. I have forty-five novel ideas for the Portal Universe. That means I have at LEAST twenty planets and forty cultures. I love building them. I love making cultures. I love making myths. I love making legends. I love making traditions. I love making clothes. I love....EVERYTHING.

One of my other favourite things to do is to take an item or a few word prompt and create a massive new story. Well, 'new story' at least....  The 'massive' part is usually accidental... It's just that I will start building the characters, and I need to develope the characters and the background for characters and the background for the background and.......

It gets out of hand quickly.

But I adore it to no end.

I blame it on Tolkien.

What story are you working on Right Now?

The Mafia Universe.

And the Detective Assassin story.

This is where it was probably a bad idea to get involved in this camp.....  I mean, the point was to focus on 'obvious good vs evil', right?

HA!

neither of those stories fit. The Mafia story is probably my worst morally as it is literally about a bunch of thieves and womanisers and murderers. Well, not womanisers - but one person that acts like one at least....... Complicated. But I never redeem them in that story - they break the law and they are fine with it. But the story focuses on the PEOPLE. On the tears and the laughter and the families and the love and the heartbreak and..... Humanity. Life.

The Detective Assassin story (no, I don't name my stories before they're finished.....) came completely from a dream. It's more about someone that is good that looks bad that TURNS bad but does good and then ends up good and nothing is really as it seemed AND LOOK AT ALL OF THE POISONS I GOT TO RESEARCH FOR THIS ONE! This one focuses on brothers. Completely.

There's also a Dystopian one I have all planned out and REALLY want to write where words are counted - you have to purchase amounts of words to speak per week. There are police and punishments and governments and systems and it is the PERFECT example of LOOK I DID TOO MUCH PLANNING AGAIN!!

......

I actually really like the dystopian story. But I've only worldbuilt it so it probably doesn't count. But it will focus on brothers, families, loyalty, honour vs loyalty, truth vs loyalty....  And of course my perpetual theme of 'no one and nothing is as it appears'...

I basically never write romance. I have marriages and stuff but..... it's not what I focus on. Ever. Basically.

What is your favourite time to write?

When I'm breathing.

If I'm not writing it on paper I'm writing it in my head.

If I'm not awake I'm dreaming.

I honestly don't know how to stop - and I don't want to....

Do you write short stories? Children's books? Novels?

Mostly Poems, Short Stories, and Novels. The short stories were completely by accident, and poetry is through long practice and imitation. I love poetry - it's so easily spun.....

the novels are sort of by accident too given how easily things get out of control....

Do draw inspiration from, or are you influenced by any particular writer?

Tolkien. C.S. Lewis.

.....that's about it.

In all honestly though. Lewis was the one that made me love reading, Tolkien inspired me to write.

OH!!  And this one poet that wrote......

Middle Earth and Beyond Wallpapers

I always forget....them. Whomever wrote them.

Middle Earth and Beyond Wallpapers

Alright, so many many years ago I found a music video on youtube that was a freestyle poem about Eowyn with clips of Eowyn set to the song Lascia Chi'io Pianga. I loved the poem. It was....it added to canon. It added to the books. And I wanted to be able to do that - to add to written words, to pay tribute to things and writers and lives so much greater than mine. I wanted to be able to write something and show a stranger something that would help them, that would uplift them. I wanted to be able to let people escape into new worlds and old worlds.

So that writer? Whoever they are? Tolkien and Lewis inspired me to use mythology, to fill in ages of backstory (seriously. I completely blame Tolkien for that because APPENDIXES!!), to plan out characters with deeper meaning. But they didn't originally inspire me.

That was someone that wrote a poem for Boromir and a poem for Eowyn and showed me that writing could be...more than nursery rhymes or selfish dreams. Writing could be done in the modern age and could be done by young people.

(I've failed just about every single thing I was inspired to do but.....)

Do you write trilogies and/or series?

YES!!

First? Forty -five stories all set in the same universe. MOST of them are connected.

Second - I have a ten book series, a trilogy, two trilogies, a set of books that aren't directly connected by have the same inspiration so.....

In short: yes. I do.

Have you experienced Writer's Block?

HA!

HAAAAAHAHHHAAAAAHHAAAA!

EVERY BLOODY TIME I WRITE SOMETHING I CAN'T FOCUS ON THAT BLOODY THING I GET DISTRACTED BY shiny!!!!  Oh, look over here another question..... Let's work on that first!

(Yes, I consider this writer's block because - although I can still write! - I can't work on what I'm supposed to.)

What was the fastest you wrote a book?

One month. Fifty K words in the Mafia Universe. The sad thing? THAT was supposed to be  SHORT STORY!!  *bangs head on desk* I just....give up.

My novels never finish.

My short stories never end.

Do you hope to be published one day?

.....I want people to enjoy my work.

Technically, my fanfiction is published, and some of my poems are on a free site - but I doubt that's what you meant.

I just want people to enjoy stories. I want to share stories - to help and please people. If I give the stories away free, that's fine. I doubt people would buy them anyway - even if I did ever finish anything.....

What are some things you hope to share through your stories?

Different points of view. Basically. Not all villains are heartless psychopaths, not all heroes have good intentions, not all heroes ARE heroes, not all of the losing army is bad, not all of the winning army is good....

Black and white isn't black and white - it's an awful lot of grey.

Oh, don't get me wrong: there's still good and evil. Still right and wrong. But.....  How they show up in the world?

We don't have evil doppelgangers - we ARE the evil twin as much as we are the good twin. We have the ability to do good and ill - and we daily use our ability to choose to do both!

Life isn't simple. Choices can't be simply brushed aside.

I also wanted to write about people. About mental and mood disorders. About abuse. About manipulation.

About things no one likes to talk about.

I don't like blinders. Do I know anything? Nope. My writing is probably so far off the mark that it would insult anyone that read it. Will I stop? I don't think I can......

And the Morning was the First Day

Not that anyone cares - I'm mostly the only person that reads these posts. And Reader.

But today is the first day of the...writing camp? I still can't recall what it's callled.... I am a Dreamer; Let me Dream is hosting it. OR something.

I don't know....anyway.

Introductions....

Good grief.

What DO I write? Fantasy. Noir.

That about sums it up.

Fantasy is the vast majority. I started out writing sci-fi, but tend to get lost in the science and math that I don't understand -  so I switched to fantasy where at least I could make everything up to suit me.

I always write fantasy because of WHY I write. I write because of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. Both of whom mostly wrote fantasy.....

Fantasy is beautiful, freeing. Anything can happen. Anything will happen. There aren't expectations or rules. I can do whatever I want.

AND I GET TO CREATE PEOPLES!!!!!  And put them all in old gowns and whatnot....

The other genre that is closest to what I write is dystopic historical fiction - AKA I was writing it in the Victorian era but set it in the Forties and put the plot in modern times......  It got REALLY messed up but I aadored it so I left it. I love writing historical fiction because it lets me use my research for writing.

The main thing I write is character studies. I write about the people. It's not the news or the setting or the clothes or the politics - it's the people. How are they shaped. How do they react. What do they value? Why? What lengths would they go to?

So, to use an example from the story I'm currently stuck on....

It's set in modern times. Mostly. Well, it spans a time period from the early seventies to....this year and beyond. It is set in the real world - which causes problems for me, certainly.....

but the stories follow the lives of people. Of a criminal, his family, law enforcement agents, their families, a child slave, a civilian daughter....  The story follows the people. Their actions too, of course - but the people. When they are broken, how they stay strong, how they fall, how they get back up, how they laugh, how they live, how they die....

I write about people. In the end, that is what motivates me - to tell the stories about people, about their fears and dreams and hopes and failures. I tell the stories about things hidden - about things ignored.

bad people do good things, good people do bad things - in the end, there are no white or black hats: everyone wears grey.

The Hats of the World

......So. I'm taking part in Reader's Writing Camp or whatever it's called. It's something to talk about writing, wholesome themes in books and...other stuff that writers deal with I don't actually know I'll figure it out.





A couple of the things it specifically focuses on? Platonic love. Realisitc romantic love. Obvious Good versus Evil.

Yes. Alright. I'm just going to sit over here and die laughing.



Platonic love is easily covered. That's basically the only kind I write. Romantic love? HA! Yeah, nope. I'll try my best but my only romantic couple is basically only married for convenience. Lovely.


And oh boy good versus evil.....  Anyone that reads my stories knows I tend to side with the antiheroes and the complicated loyalties. Boiled down, of course, everything is strictly good versus evil but....  Life is very often more a matter of good people doing bad things and bad people doing bad things and it all ends up a very muddled mess of grey. 'Good' and 'Evil' can seem complicated to define.

Especially when you take into account the story I'm currently focusing on by default: it's about CRIMINALS. Literally. They do good things. They have loyalty. Honour. Integrity. Love. But they're criminals. They murder and steal.

So much for clear states of good versus evil......

Sorry, that stuck in my head first.

That, and I haven't written here for ages - not that anyone cares.

I want to make a stuffed pineapple.

But that is almost totally irrelevant.

....except I still really want a hug. Can't be helped! Must ignore it.

I'm a seamstress. I think I can probably call myself that....  Or, you know, 'desperate enough for good clothing that I sew up curtains to get it' but 'seamstress' is much simpler to say, oui?

 This is my current project.

Not the pattern though - I'm copying the picture and praying that the dress turns out halfway right.....

I'm doing the red dress - but without the jacket. But basically, that. I have this dark red sheet that has a faint sheen to it, oddly enough; and this white Panama with a black band that I am DYING to wear with this dress.

A black choker as well and....voila!

An elegant, dark, vintage dress - what more could I ask?

(Besides, you know, that it turns out right.....)

 This gown.....

Has been on my 'to make' list for the last year? Two? I don't know.... I've had the cloth for a while since the black satin was on sale. It will be my most expensive dress - and this is mostly the reason I've waited so long to make it.

It's a Christmas/Formal dress - although sadly not floor length - so I plan to give it longer sleeves. I'd love to edge it in black lace too.

I have a black necklace I want to make for it, and of course a black petticoat.

The trickiest part will be the bodice. They never turn out perfect.

.....the skirt doesn't either but at least this will be a circle skirt rather than any Forties skirt.

I have a new reason to make this dress to as long as the Graduation gift of getting to attend an Opera isn't rescinded.....

(Which it very well might be - but! Hey, for this once I'll be an optimist. At least I'll have a gorgeous black dress. At which point there will never be funerals ever again...)

 Now.....

This one is tricky.

The dress was my first gown when I was only an inch or so over five feet. Empire waisted, whide scalloped neckline, my bust was already too large to fit but I laced up the back and made it work. It was my Christmas dress.

I've since outgrown the bodice even with the lacing, so I cut it off and converted it to a skirt.

It sort of works - but the underskirt is too tight now....

So! Since hopefully I'll have more options for Christmas anyway....  Let's convert it to a more Vintagey fashion!

 Because of the sheer amount of....well, sheer material on that black skirt thing, this style is also possible.

If I don't use this cut for another black dress (Yes, I like black. Sue me. It's safer too.) I have this other sheer-ish material this will be perfect for.

This other material is champagne coloured with little black raised dots all over it. Hard to describe....  But beautiful. Very Fifties-Cocktail party material. I adore it

 And the fabric bought for this one was just.....

Priceless.

It's light material - almost sheer, but not really; cool material. As in, good for summer. It's a light yellow with black polka dots all over it. And sprinkled throughout the dots, replacing them? TINY CATS!!

Why is this so wonderful? NOVELTY PRINTS! The Forties were full of them. Some were downright weird.....

But that picture is about the closest approcimation to what I want for it. With shiny black buttons to accent it, and some black lace, of course.

Maybe I'll get another hat made as well.


I also have the gorgeous navy blue sheer material that I am going to make a 1940s floor length formal gown out of.

Will I have anywhere to wear it? Who knows. But one should be prepared, oui?

....now I just have to find the time to make these.....  And pray they turn out well.

LOST DRAFT - .....Again.

So. Funny thing I realised.

I'm pretty good at imitating. Usually if I listen to something, I can imitate it. It takes more practice and concentration if I'm going off script (such as, I'm applying the imitation to words of my own rather than the original quotes) but still. Of course, I'm a girl, so there's always that drawback - but I'm pretty good at imitating.

In imitating voice, I often imitate mannerisms. This comes down more to my habit of profiling and charactersing rather than imitating - but the end result is the same. I study someone, and I pick up their habits. give me a little while, and I could probably copy anyone.

(Funny, the one thing I think I'm good at is useless and I'm probably rubbish at.... Figures.)

But I wasn't feeling well today. Normal event - I usually just think of something else. I'm good at distractions.

Well......  I've been writing a single character lately. I don't know why, probably has to do with the fact that I obsess until I solve things, and it's easier to ignore reality when writing fiction.

But I wasn't feeling well today, and then suddenly I felt fine. Much more caustic and sarcastic than normal perhaps, but fine.

....and then I realised that the mental voice and persona of the character I was writing had come to front.

Thankfully I edit most of my speech or translate it to other languages.

And was working alone.

But that was just...weird! Certainly, I've shifted to other nationalities - but not other personalities!

I recently got a film camera at a thrift store. Circa 1972 Miranda Sensorex II with 50mm lens and no I have no idea what I just said - it was on the label.

I love film cameras. I had a Pentax - still have it somewhere I suppose.... With a good roll of black and white film in it too! - but that has disappeared somewhere..... Annoying. But there's something about film - probably just it's relation to Vintage eras. Although the method of plates and acordians and chemicals is indubiably intruiging, film is better.

However, digital has it's points. First? You can SEE it immediately. And cheaply. Usually there's a feature where you can just look at the pictures you just took, and adjust lighting or setting as needed. Second? There's also auto-sensors! The Sensorex EE did have auto meters, but not MC. Figures. I get the completely manual one.

If I don't know anything about computers or phones, I know less about cameras. ISO? F stop? Mirrors? Light seals? WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS WHY CAN'T I JUST POINT AND CLICK??

And! Don't forget the film! I can't just delete and retake pictures. I won't know for at LEAST a month how the pictures turn out. So by then I won't remember what I did wrong.

So I need to learn all I can about cameras and taking pictures, because I'm going to have to recognise the scene BEFORE I take the picture so I can adjust for it.

Someone explain to me what happened to my mind and my sanity.... Because this is a nightmare waiting to happen. Or maybe it is happening?

And what is it with film cameras?? "I should really change the film. Let's figure out how to open this thing now.... OH DARN IT THERE WAS FILM IN THE BLOODY CAMERA ALREADY!!!" Yeah, I've ruined three rolls of film like that now. Annoying, very.

And I also found my Yashica MG-1.

I have too many film cameras, no film, and no idea what I'm doing.

Surprise!!

And It Keeps Getting Stronger

Made by Angelique

"They told me that we won."

Made by Angelique

 "They never told me what we lost."

Made by Angelique

"You go to Hell and tell them I'm coming."

This is made in response to the travesty that is the Captain somehow becoming Hydra.

And the fact that if that happened? Bucky would walk into hell itself (the monstrous organisation that controlled him and literally only needs a short list of words to turn him into a mindless machine again - sorry, especially after Karg, there is no way you can convince me that that wouldn't terrify him.) to drag Steve back out.

So that's the basic story behind that...

Made by Angelique

Oh dear.... How to explain this one...

Well, obviously, it's Bucky and Steve. Mostly. Fighting together and unstoppable. On the side of right. Heroes.

And the words are a direct result of listening to Frollo's "Hellfire" for almost a day straight and accidentally translating the Latin.

The title for that picture is 'mea maxima culpa'. Because both of them blame themselves.

And yes, it's a prayer, who cares.

Die a Hero, or Become the Villain

So I had a conversation recently.

Like any conversation, it was filled with contradictions and absolutes and WHY do I bother stating a  case? At this point, either there are going to be so many exceptions to my stance that it barely counts; or I will completely change my stance to the opposite after stating something absolutely. (For reference: see everything I say I won't or can't do and now do.... It's annoying. "Yes, you're going to be a liar no matter what - you're welcome.")

Anyway, I was discussing villains.

The original point was: could the villain in a story be the best character?

As in: could the character that everyone else fights against (perhaps 'antagonist is better suited but...Villain portrays my point better.) be actually the best person? Never murders, doesn't break the law, is kind to kittens and all manner of cute creations, is generous chivalrous, etcetra, etcetra, ad nauseum, ad aeternum.... Yet this perfect person is the villain?

In my opinion: yes.

Why? Because essentially:  the villain is just the one that the majority of the people oppose. Simplistic? Yes. But in its essence...

Of course, the Villain is also the one that lies, steals, kills, betrays, and does whatever necessary to achieve his end goal. Generally, the end goal he wishes to achieve is the reason he is termed the villain - the reason most stand against him - as it is something that stands against the morals of the majority of sane people. However, there are occasions where the end goal is not the one that rouses opposition, but rather the methods enacted to accomplish it.

I find that in the moment, while I can find many villains - antagonists - that fit in the role of the latter, I know few off the top of my head that fit the role of the former.... Off the top of my head, three for the former would be: James Moriarty, DC's Joker, and...Red John. Three that have laudable goals but went about them in wrong ways would be Agent Smith, Loki (in the first Thor at least, and then it depends how much you want to read into the character.), and obviously Ras al Guhl. I would have said the Doctor (long, long story....But I always liked the darker renditions and my first and one favourite is the First who tried to murder someone so....there would be that. Also: he kidnapped them to protect himself - if I hadn't researched the show? I'd say he's DEFINITELY the villain.), but then I realised that he doesn't technically count because while the Dalek's might see him as the villain - the majority of people don't. (That we know - there's the whole warrior thing but...)


Agent Smith is just doing his job and HONESTLY who would choose a life outside the Matrix?? It's a mess! Loki was either pointing out that his brother wasn't ready to rule (in which he was completely right or that society is going nowhere fast. Er. It's already going nowhere - they have space travel but dress like Shakespeare in the park??








It annoys me - but....still better than Stargate's Asgardians. Now, THERE'S a villain with a good motive that went about it in a rubbish way. But I haven't actually finished that series yet.....

Although, I'd take Stargate over Marvel even..... Sadly, they canceled the last series about a year or so before I found out about it and that IRKS me.

Anyway! Back on point. What was my point...

Oh! Villains.

So I'm accused of being psychopathic, sociopathic (whatever), manipulative (that I plead guilty to at least.), sick, and cruel.

I maintain that I merely prefer intelligence. And realism. Some degree of suspension of disbelief is acceptable and expected: but if you don't want me to talk through the film or story or entertainment? Please give me either complex characters or complex plots to distract myself with. Else? Deal with it.

Soooo.....then we get down to the actual topic: I don't like most heroes.

Now, I say 'most' because off the top of my head I can think of none.

Most heroes (or protagonists - but that includes the anti-heroes which I prefer, so we're just going to call them the heroes) are incredibly predictable. They're usually some version of aesthetically pleasing, strong, morally good and principled, have a girlfriend (or get one in the process of the film), have lost a loved one in a manner that relates to the antagonist, is betrayed sometime in the story, gets caught in the most obvious of traps, and somehow manages to triumph every time.

I'm sorry.

What?

I get it. Good always wins. I agree mostly whole-heartedly (I'm also rather pragmatic or fatalistic or cynical....)! But does that automatically mean that Good has to be dumb?

I. Think. Not.

(Again, I have WAY too much fun finding pictures....)

But please: prove to me that the majority of heroes don't follow that basic storyline give or take a few things? Then you may cherish the look of surprise on my face.

And I will be surprised. Because while I've not seen the MOST stories, I've seen an awful lot.

Usually, however, the predictable story is tempered by differences. Honestly, my problem generally comes more from poor plot than poor characters - but because the characters were tied into the plot, they suffer and I end up complaining.

The most obvious example I can think of off the top of my head of an utterly predictably hero-arc is that of Nick Burkhardt.

"Most heroes (or protagonists - but that includes the anti-heroes which I prefer, so we're just going to call them the heroes) are incredibly predictable. They're usually some version of aesthetically pleasing, strong, morally good and principled, have a girlfriend (or get one in the process of the film), have lost a loved one in a manner that relates to the antagonist, is betrayed sometime in the story, gets caught in the most obvious of traps, and somehow manages to triumph every time."

"Nick is incredibly predictable. He's to some apparently aesthetically pleasing, strong, morally good and principled, has a girlfriend, loses a loved one at the hand of the creatures he's supposed to hunt and oppose, is betrayed by at least his girlfriend, gets caught in the most obvious of traps set by his greatest opponents, and somehow manages to triumph every time."

....See my point?

Now, this isn't saying that there aren't any good heroes - au contraire, I CAN come up with a few if given the chance and time.

(This list also does not include anti-heroes or too twisted individuals just to prove that I CAN like good people. It's just harder.)

Off the top of my head? The first hero would be Ian Chatter-CHESTERton. But that might just be because I was watching the....Not Empty Child - that's the Ninth's....Whatever the pilot serial for the First was called. Or William Murdoch. (If you want someone good? He is good. But still so very, very interesting now why can't they make heroes like THAT??? Hmm??  AND intelligent enough to keep up with the villain (and yes, there is one...) without almost a case of Deus ex Machina...

There's also Steve Rogers. And Aram Mojtabai. And Alexis Castle. And Theresa Lisbon. And Grace Van Pelt. And Wayne Rigsby. And Abby Scuito. And Donald Mallard. And Tony Donozzo. And Tim McGee. And Angela Perry. And Chuck Taggert. And  Sarah Forbes. And Edwin Jarvis. And Cisco Ramon. And Jim Gordon. And Alfred Pennyworth. And Donald Ressler. And Angie Martinelli. And Jack O'Neill. And Daniel Jackson. And Sam Carter. And Rodney McKay. And Carson Becket!!!! And Evan Lorne. And Spock. And Leonard McCoy. And Donna Noble. And Amy Pond. And Rory Williams. And Romana I. And Sarah Jane. And Iolaus. And John Watson. And Jo Martinez. And Henry Morgan. And Lucas Whal. And Herman Gottlieb. And Cadfael. And Hugh Beringer. And Fisher's Jack Robinson. And Alex O'Conner. And Aragorn. And Elrond. And Faramir. And Bilbo. And Clyde Easter. And the Baudelaire Orphans. And even Peter Pevensie. And as much as I'd LOVE to say Martin Hausman, that would be cheating on two levels: that series hasn't technically aired yet, and he plays anti-heroes at best and charming, relateable villains at worst and always dies or leaves too soon.

And I could find more - but I left the majority of my notes elsewhere and sadly Mrs. Hudson refuses to pick them up for me....

Rubbish.

I'll do my own writing then, ja?

Now, what do those characters have in common? Why do I like say...Rory Williams and not Barry Allen? Why do I like Steve Rogers but not Clark Kent? Why do I like 'insert character' and not 'insert character'?

I have NO idea.

I generally tend to be a contradiction - it's easier to sum it up that way. Whatever I say about myself, there will be another part of me that directly opposes that and WHY is it that way.... It just complicates matters...

But the main correlation betwixt those characters? They have a dry sense of humour and a sharp wit. Most dress well, but I honestly don't notice appearance until after I get to know someone - until then they're just...faces. Nothing. Whether or not I like their personality determines whether or not I think them aesthetically pleasing and good GRIEF is that hard to explain.... And apparently also generally discounted. Thanks. Figures.

Reasons I still watched Doctor Who even when they RUINSES the Master: Missy is the embodiment of my interactions with the majority of entertainment.

Yeah. Well. So is life.

Although, I do wonder if perhaps the best thing about the heroes I like is the way they interact with the anti-hero.....

Except, no. Because Clyde had absolutely no support (AKA I didn't watch the rest of the episode...) and Murdoch has no anti-hero. And Murdoch is also MAJORLY predictable, honestly; yet.....

While Nick Burkhardt is the existing embodiment of everything I hate in heroes? Murdoch is a case where the same things that infuriate me about heroes somehow....don't matter?

Maybe it's the loyalty? Maybe it's the ability to stand by what they believe or their friends regardless of what comes against them. Maybe it's the ability to bed the rules to protect those they've consciously or subconsciously promised themselves to. Maybe it's the constant weight in their actions that thinks how their choice will affect those around them.

Because the villains? All of the characters I like? More than just being relateably flawed and having a intelligent and smart humour, they're loyal. This loyalty transcends everything else - whatever may be to. But this loyalty is also rarely to themselves. It's a loyalty to someone else: and this also humanises them further. Because everyone has a loyalty to something outside of themselves. It may be shallow - but it still exists.

So in the end? If they're intelligent, have a dry humour, and are incredibly loyal and principled (whichever way...), then I will likely enjoy them. If they are complex characters with ulterior motives, then I will enjoy them. If they have opportunity for growth, are relateable, make mistakes, fail, but are able to THINK....

And I think that's about as wrapped up as you're going to get on this subject.

At least I have an answer for myself now....